I would like to start what I'm sure will soon become a rambling, incoherent, nonsensical blog post by stating up front that I have absolutely no problem with Colby Melvin (above) himself.
This post is not meant to deride him or insult him or even discuss him that much, well I will a little bit. Anyway, from what I've seen, Melvin seems like a wonderful young man who is very beautiful and very kind. I'm sure he'd be one of those guys I'd stare at in a club whispering "I hate him so much" all while loving every minute of him. And clearly, he is that guy because people know his name and we're talking about him right now. Okay, what is this post about, you ask. This post is about a question I asked recently on Twitter and can't get out of my head:
What exactly is Colby Melvin's job? Like what does it say on his W-9? RT @paulbos: I can't even with these two: fuckyeahcolbymelvin.tumblr.com/post/496328652…
— Junior (@juicewithjunior) May 7, 2013
I repeat: What exactly is Colby Melvin's job? ANSWER ME.
Sorry, I told myself not to get combative and here I am. Okay, how about we backtrack a little and for those who have no idea who Colby Melvin is, I'll explain a little. Melvin models underwear for company Andrew Christian (probably NSFW, let's not chance it) and is very involved in gay rights issues, working with organizations and media types to get the word out (I am paraphrasing his own About Me page, which is part of the problem). Last year, Melvin appeared in a parody video of the OneDirection song "What Makes You Beautiful" called "Disclosure," which, and I will probably get this wrong, was about Republican liars basically and was propelled into gay stardom.
Which is fine. The Internet produces a new star a minute. However, Melvin is still around, and while I don't not want him to be around, there's a part of me that uncomfortable with the fact that I know his name and it may solely be because he is an attractive person. AND NOTHING ELSE.
Which is why I ask, what is his job? We're gonna break this post down into a 2-parter:
Part One: What the F Is Wrong With Me?
I am not an attractive person. That is just true like the sea, the sky, and the wind. Because of this, I've always made money, earned my keep, by using my brain and a little bit of brawn, but mostly all brain.
Thus, I've always been uncomfortable around people who can get by and thrive on the fact that they're attractive. It weirds me out. This little voice inside my head is always telling me, shouldn't you have to DO something? This is why when I see people become notable for basically looking like and existing, I kinda can't handle it. YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. Right?
Now, I don't begrudge people who are able to pay their way by the way that they look. I actually feel like kind of cheated that no one told me the option existed. Listen, I may not be attractive, but there was a week when I was 22 years old, when I had been working out for like a year and I only wore slutty shirts, that I was borderline attractive. Like under certain lights, with enough shadow and filters, you could stand near me (but not too near) and say "Wow, he's really attractive." If someone had told me, "Hey Junior, you need to find a photographer, take your clothes off, do some videos and you could be famous and have your rent paid." I would have jumped on that ship like Rose jumping off the Titanic into a life raft.
I am all for turning my (then) good looks into a commodity. But now, as I get older, and I not only realize that I feel like attractiveness is this dangerous thing that people (myself included) covet too much and it's all bringing us down, I realized also that I'm not borderline attractive anymore. So the moment passed. Doing something surpassed looking like something as my way of surviving.
Some of you might say: Well, he's a model. True-ish. I mean he models for Andrew Christian, but he's not in the Fashion Model Directory and even his About Me never really mentions that this is a modeling CAREER. I would say that yes, he models, but he's not a model. He's more of a very attractive person paid for their attractiveness.
Some of you might add: Well, Kim Kardashian is paid for her attractiveness. I would reply that she's also on TV shows, pitches products, and has a store called DASH that no one has ever seen and no one ever goes. Well, what about Ronnie Kroell? Television. Well, what about Chris Kluwe? Football.
Well, what about Playboy models? They're just paid to take their clothes off too. True, but at least they're in a magazine. Some kind of mass produced entertainment that's not modeling sometimes for an underwear line. WHICH ISN'T TO SAY THAT THAT ISN'T DIFFICULT! I imagine it must be very difficult to get your body into that kind of shape to be photographed and then the actual shoot itself where you're cold and you have to pose and smile... It must be THE WORST. But I still feel like it in an of itself is not a job. I sorries.
Part Two: What the F Is Wrong With You?
While there is a part of me that feels stupid for even talking about this and not just feeling like "He's hot. Listen to what he has to say! He's hot!" There's another part of me that feels like why don't you all agree with me?! Underwear model/activist full stop SHOULD NOT BE a reason to get your face into other people's faces. Getting your face into other people's faces should come because you did SOMETHING: You modeled day in and out, you acted in movies and on TV, you had an opinion or a book or a history or a story that made you SOMETHING! My entire foundation on the reason why celebrities, noted notables, whatever you want to call them is based on this concept.
HOWEVER (this post has been very CAPS heavy). I don't think that Melvin shouldn't be in the public eye. His story is actually fascinating. Apparently (again all gleaned from a very enlightening About Me page), Mr. Melvin used to work in the oil and gas industry and had to face discrimination and prejudice after it was discovered that he was gay. The problem I have with society is that I didn't know any of this until I did my research! The only thing I ever heard from people was "He's hot."
I have this fear that in the probably nearer than you think future, all hot people will be revered like gods and us uggos will live in camps in barren areas of the world. Or basically The Hunger Games. When it comes to people like Melvin, I can already see that happening. Instead, I would love if yes, we appreciated Melvin's hotness, but also he wasn't just an attractive shell, but someone who was able to DO given his history and what is compelling about him.
I'm also positive I made no sense. But thanks for reading, thanks to Mr. Melvin for letting me use him as an example, and thanks for everyone for not just loving me for my looks but because I contribute!
What was that? You weren't loving me for my looks?
Can you just let me fantasize that was true? Please!