This commercial's been floating around for a while, but I wanted to talk about it because I happened to forget to fast forward through it while watching an episode of "Days of Our Lives" on my DVR yesterday (Side discussion: Who else wants Eric and Nicole to get it on BECAUSE he's a priest? I know.) and something about the commercial struck me as interesting:
It is the most disgusting commercial I have ever seen in the history of commercials and you guys know I watch a lot of commercials. I have seen actual advertisements for companies that sell sexual services who have ads that are tamer than this. Please, the Romantic Depot ad is practically Sesame Street compared to what Liquid-Plumr is selling (by the by, click on the "Romantic Depot" link if you want to live a fulfilled life -- I literally practice that commercial by myself in my apartment. Victoria ZZZZdroktc. She's gifted.) Anyway, I guess I should back up.
Liquid-Plumr called "Double Impact" (wait for it) and in order to sell this product (wait for it), the ad people have decided to (wait for it) blatantly connect the idea of two methods of clearing a clogged drain with (wait for it) a woman having sex with two men at the same time, a maneuver colloquially referred to as "double penetration." Now, I had to ask people what that was because I wear white gloves and go to church and boys should only be kissed on the cheek and heavy petting leads to seat wetting, but that's what people tell me it means. Wow. Liquid-Plumr. How the hey did you get this past the FCC? Wow.
Okay, we're gonna break it down because we here at Juice with Junior have never left anything unbroken down in the history of ever, but before we do I wanted to ask: Are we OK with this?
A part of me is like "Yeah, this is great! America is too Puritanical. Sex happens. It EXISTS! Let's have some fun with it! Why be all stodgy?!" and then there's a part of me that's all "When I sit down with my cereal to watch my soaps whose sex always takes places behind gossamer curtains or off-camera, I don't want to think about DP. I just don't." What mind are you? Is this commercial fun and cheeky or OMG this is disgusting THE CHILDREN.
Regardless of what side you're on, I figured it would be helpful if we spelled out ALL of the sexual innuendos buried in this commercial, and when I say "buried," what I mean is right up in your face because Liquid-Plumr is not trying to be subtle about ANYTHING. Let's begin.
1, 2 & 3- "Liquid-Plumr Double Impact. Double Impact." *derp face*
Just having her read the name of the product is an innuendo. Also, this woman goes through the supermarket and does this all day. She went to produce and picked up a kumquat and derp faced for an hour.
4 & 5- The bottle has a long handle with a red cap or some would say... knob on the end. Hey, I'm just saying what some would say.
6 & 7- "I'm here to snake your drain."
Why wade in the innuendo shallow end when we can springboard dive right into deep innuendo water?
8- "Snake your drain" guy is literally fiddling with his stick when she answers the door. This is not me. You see it too.
9- Her door has a pineapple on it. I'm sure this means something to straight people. Don't ask me. I wouldn't know.
10- The second guy rings our girl's bell to get her attention.
11- "I'm here to flush your-"
Okay, this one doesn't really make sense. Shouldn't it be that he's here to flush his pipe? Regardless, I also wanted to post an image of this guy's face because it is a face that I can see.
12- "Grrrugh." She actually makes this noise upon seeing him. Watch again.
13- Her mouth remains open for 9 seconds.
14 & 15- This.
16, 17, 18 & 19- And this.
20 & 21- And this.
Get it, because it's long and red like it's pulsing with blood and a pipe is open and wet like a... Oh, you get it. Just checking.
22 & 23- "With a long snake to grab deep clogs." Thank you, Exhumed Barry White. You can go back to doing all the things you want to do, oh I.
24, 25 & 26- Our girl is pouring liquid, given to her by two different men, down her drain. I'm approaching disbelief at this commercial right now.
27 & 28- "And a powerful gel to finish off the rest, baby." Again, Exhumed Barry White, many thanks. Also, a white-ish colored gel falls into a pipe.
29- The gaping drain empties with all the liquid going inside. What? I'm just describing what happens in the commercial!
30- Our girl jolts awake from her waking fantasy and almost clutches the bottle instinctively.
31- Add this.
Push that meat back and forth.
32 & 33- And not to mention this.
34 & 35- Then, our girl (who really needs to masturbate more like I'm just gonna say it, I know it's a little graphic but camman. Girlfriend is in heat and behaving this way in a supermarket is just unbecoming), dumps a bunch of pipe cleaners into her basket taking them all at once.
Question Time: How many innuendos can you spot in this commercial? Are you happy that it's so playfully sexual or disgusted by the fact that it airs in the daytime when it's daytime in the daytime? Does the image of gunk being pushed through a drain preclude any sexiness for you? Of the two plumbers, whom do you prefer? The guy in green is pretty, but the guy in blue is grrrugh.
She was right.