Juice with Junior

I was in my car a few days ago letting my iPod go crazy on shuffle and play whatever the hell it felt like (Britney Spears after Miles Davis! You're so crazy, iPod!) and it decided to play the 1999 Destiny's Child song "Bug a Boo" (video above). While "Boo" may not rank high in the canon of Destiny's Child songs (which leads off with "Say My Name" before the quality drops off precipitously), I still really like the song. It's peppy. However, while I was listening, I realized that for a 14-year-old song, it sounds really dated. Weird how that happened. Anyway, I thought we could come together and help update the lyrics so they feel more 2013. Ready? We do so many good deeds here at the blog.

The actual lyrics are below in bold and the updated suggestions are just regular.

You make me wanna throw my pager out the window
Guess what, we're starting with the very first line. How about something like "You make me wanna throw my Samsung Galaxy Note 2 out the window..." You know what? Doesn't have the best ring. How about "You make me want to throw my iPhone out my Smart Car..." That works.

Tell MCI to cut the phone poles
"Tell Verizon that their signal's too far"

Break my lease so I can move
'Cause you a bug a boo, a bug a boo
I've watched enough "Judge Judy" to know this all still applies in 2013.

I wanna put your number on the call block
Oh, this brings back memories. 'Member when you would call a guy and you would get the message "This number is private and is not accepting calls at this time" and you'd be all "Oh no he didn't! He blocked me! He f*cking blocked ME!" Not that I was ever blocked by anyone. The charges were dropped! Anyway, how about this line changes to "Wanna put your number on 'Do Not Call'."

Have AOL make my e-mails stop
OMG AOL. Does anyone still have AOL? We're talking hours of entertainment in the M4M (men for men) chat rooms talking to pedos and serial killers all night long. Parents in the 90s had no clue! Anyway, let's change this to "Get your G-mail messages erasing them all."

'Cause you a bug a boo
You buggin what? You buggin who? You buggin me!
And don't you see it ain't cool

It's not hot that you be callin' me
Stressin' me, pagin' my beeper
You just non-stop
Everyone, I had a beeper when I was a kid. And a pager. The pager was for my parents and the beeper was for my friends. I'd be at the mall and feel a vibration and look at my friends all "Ugh, my mom is paging me. Stephanie, can I borrow your phone?" Then, Stephanie would hand me what looked like a brick and I'd be all "Mom, why are you blowing up my pager!" Sorry, this is about the song. How about "It's not hot that you be Tweeting me, stressin' me, texting my phone, you just non-stop."

And it's not hot
That you be leavin' me messages
Every 10 minutes and then you stop by
I love this song because it is elucidating for me all the stuff that in just 14 years we have all stopped doing. No one leaves voice mail messages anymore, which is a shame because I LOVE voice mails. Unlike text messages, you actually can understand the intent of someone's words when they speak them out loud. I've said this before but I have tapes and tapes of old voice mails from people I don't talk to anymore and they are these perfect little time capsules. People, leave more voice mails. And as an addendum, I can remember the last time someone left a voice mail and then stopped by. Face to face. Is that a thing anymore? Anyway, rant over, let's rewrite: "And it's not hot, that you be Skype-ing me every 10 minutes and then you stop by."

When I first met you, you were cool
But it was game, you had me fooled
'Cause 20 minutes after I gave you my number
You already had my mailbox full
"When I first met you, you were cool/But it was game, you had me fooled/'Cause 20 minutes after I gave you my Facebook, you already had my timeline full."

So what, you bought a pair of shoes
What now? I guess you think I owe you
You don't have to call as much as you do
I'll give 'em back to be through with you
And so what, my momma likes you
What now? I guess you think I will too
Even if the Pope said he likes you too
I don't really care 'cause you're a bug a boo
The Pope's on Twitter now. Not a lyric change, just an observation.

(Chorus)

It's not hot that when in blockin' your phone number
You call me from over your best friend's house
Can I be honest? My friends and I would do this all the time. Again, I was never blocked, but I know from other people. The other person would pick up the phone all "How are you? Who's house are you calling me from!?" Anyway, let's change this to: "It's not hot that when I block you from Twitter/You hit me up from your Instagram account"

And it's not hot that I can't even go out with my girlfriends
Without you trackin' me down
"And it's not hot when home with my girlfriends/You use Google Maps to aerial view my house"

You need to chill out with that mess
'Cause you can't keep havin' me stressed
'Cause every time my phone rings it seems to be you
And I'm prayin' that it is someone else
Lets change "phone rings" to "phone vibrates" for 2013 authenticity.

(Bridge)
(Chorus)

When you call me on the phone you're buggin' me
"When you text me on the phone you're buggin' me"

When you follow me around you're buggin' me
"When you follow me on Google+, you're buggin' me"

Everything you do be buggin' me
You buggin' me, you buggin' me
When you show up at my door you buggin' me
When you open up your mouth you buggin' me
Every time I see your face(book) you're buggin' me
You're buggin' me, you're buggin' me

There, I think we have a fresh, modern, up-to-date song. Question Time: Do you miss the life we used to live in 1999? What about then would you bring to 2013? How many times would you have long conversations about whether to *67 before you called a guy because you didn't want your number to come up on his Caller ID?

Wow, feels like so long ago!