Juice with Junior

I've been pretty video heavy lately. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. You'll have to tell me. As I've already started writing the post, there's not much I can do about it now so let's just enjoy, shall we? Today we're talking about those viral online "Sh!t [Blank] Say" Videos that are all the rage on the YouTubes and the Interwebs. If you don't know, these videos are short snippets of generalizations about the things people in different societal groups say that are meant to be funny in a "hey, I've said that" kind of a way.

Whether it be girls or gay men or black people or Liza Minnelli, these videos typically fall down two different tracks: either they are so bitingly accurate and absurd that they are hilarious, or they are stereotypical and derivative and often insulting. Since there are SO MANY of these clips, I thought I'd provide people a one-stop shop for the most notable ones and why they are the best or the worst.

Feel free to grade them along with me or point me in the direction of more of these ridiculous, catchy like a crack pipe videos! Let's begin.


Sh!t Girls Say, Episode 2

Writers & Creators: Kyle Humphrey & Graydon Sheppard

The gold standard. Obviously, this trend has existed in the past ("Sh!t My Dad Says" anyone?) but the "Sh!t Girls Say" series took it to a whole 'nother level and basically made anyone with time on their hands and a DV camera lose their minds trying to copy, imitate, flip it, and reverse it.

While the original in this series is very funny, Episode 2 is so amazing in its specificity and hilarity that I am still awaiting any video to meet let alone exceed its brilliance. The first time I heard "I kinda want a hot dog" I literally spit out everything I was eating/drinking and laughed for 20 minutes straight because I have literally heard every girl I've ever known say that at some point in time (along with myself once or twice). It's so good, right?

Grade: A

Favorite Line: "Is that a coffee? I might get one."


Sh!t White Girls Say...to Black Girls


Creator: Chescaleigh

As a black person, this one really made me laugh because I've heard pretty much everything in this video at some point in my life ("Why isn't there a White Entertainment Television?" My response: "There is. It's called CBS.") The reason it's not as highly rated by me is that I think it could have been even funnier if the tone of her delivery was brought down a notch.

And the second episode in this series is terrible, leading me to believe my impression of the first one was not far off.

Grade: B

Favorite line: "That one kinda looks like you."


Sh!t Southern Gay Guys Say


Creator: hellohappytime

It's decidedly low rent, parts you can't even hear that well, and is probably the most stereotypical of the bunch... and I love it to pieces, which I'm sure is something a Southern Gay Guy has said at some point in time. The examples are both over-the-top and believable, which is the perfect balance for one of these vids. But I do have a question, does it say something about me -- Born and raised in New York -- that I say most of these things all the time including but not limited to "That is the night the lights went out in Georgia!"

Grade: B+

Favorite line: "I'm not dating anyone who dips. I'm just not doing it."


Sh!t Spanish Girls Say


Creator: Juan SkittLeZ Ortiz

OMG welcome to my childhood. I am not Latino in any immediate way. Maybe at some point in time in the distant past my relatives were, but I'm not. Instead, I relate to this video because three of my friends growing up were named Liliana, Antonio, and Yesenia and I lived at their houses and basically this video was my life. Ay ma! I can and often do slip into Spanish Girl speak during my daily life and let me tell you whether Puerto Rican or Dominican or Peruvian or Colombian, this video is on point!

Ay ma!

Grade: A-

Favorite line: "How many times I gotta tell you, stop!"


Sh!t Gay Guys Say


Writer & Creator: Jeffery Self

Let me start by saying that I love Jeffery Self. His stuff with Cole Escola is comedy gold. Pure gold. This video, not so much. The problem is Jeffery himself. See, I am aware of his comedy and who he is so all his jokes make sense to me. However, to call the video "Sh!t Gay Guys Say" and feature references and in-jokes relating to such a specific type of gay man make it hard to relate to the wacky generalization of a Sh!t Girls Say and the like.

Thus, you watch it and feel like, yes, it was funny but no, I will not be pressing repeat once the video is over. It pains me to write that.

Grade: B-

Favorite line: "Stockard Channing is in 'Heartburn'!"


Sh!t Rancid Gay Guys Say
(OMG FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY THIS IS NSFW)


Writer & Creator: Mike Diamond

Comedian Mike Diamond does stuff for Logo and I never really liked him when he did. I felt like he was all over the place and not very funny. Now I know why. He couldn't be completely disgusting, which is where his funny apparently lies. I know for the above video I said that Jeffery Self was portraying too specific a gay man to be generalizable to the audience. Mike Diamond is too.

The different between the two men is that Mike Diamond's references are all uniquely hilarious. I'm not even gonna type them out. They are too much.

Grade: B+

Favorite line: "Am I too aggressive?"


Sh!t Black Girls Say 2


Creator: Billy Sorrells

While the first episode in this series was meh in my opinion, episode 2 is literally like a masterpiece is absurdity. It is so wacked out (what is the music video in the middle!) that it spins around and becomes so amazing they should install it on monitors in art galleries. And the lines! "This is not 'Love & Hip Hop' you need to get it together!" "That baby don't even look like him." "I WANT HOT CHEETOS!" and of course "Delete!"

And yes, this is the most stereotypical video in the list and maybe in the world, but I've met these girls. I'm related to these girls and I love them.

We all love them!

Grade: A-

Favorite line: "Your name is not on the lease so your stuff will be, what? Outside."


Sh!t Straight Guys Say To Gay Guys (NSFW)


Creator: patrickmcguire

The reason this video has one of the lowest grades is not because it's not funny nor is it because the topic is one that is worthy of a video, it's because the creators clearly had the means and yet it is so not done. It's too short, the pauses are too long, and while some of the remarks are on the money ("How do you decide what goes where?") and the guys delivery is funny ("Because I imagine it would." being his best read) there isn't enough here to love.

Maybe episode 2?

Grade: C

Favorite line: "You seem to know a lot of people."


Sh!t Liza Minnelli Says


Creator: Michael Duling; Liza played by Christine Pedi

Who doesn't love Liza?

Grade: B

Favorite line: "It's the same song."


Sh!t Girls Say to Gay Guys


Creator: soundlyawake

Everything about this is hilarious especially because every gay man who has been friends with a girl of a certain type has heard these things before. What I also love is the guy's conviction. Despite rocking a beardette, his sheer will allows you to suspend disbelief and laugh at how true the moments are that he presents. And all of those moments are true, trust!

Grade: B+

Favorite line: "You're like my Sassy Gay Friend, I love it."


Thanks to Best Week Ever, Lazy Circles, and What the World Does Not Need for the vids that I would have never seen because I only watch muscle videos on YouTube. Real talk. Now do you have a favorite video in this meme? Do you wish that it would stop? What other iterations on this theme do you think they can come up with? I would really like them to do a "Sh!t Girls Say to Their Boyfriends" because I think it would be hilarious.