Eyes and teeth filled the bulbous cartoon head awash in gnashed Technicolor that loomed threateningly above him. Marcus Lansing stared up at the Takashi Murakami print as if he were awaiting it to come alive and kill him, and yet his casual ease in front of the image made it appear as if that was a fate of which he wholly accepted and quite possibly wanted. In the distance, Preston Everett watched him and wondered for probably the fortieth time what exactly he needed to do to crack the code and figure out what was going on in Marcus' head. Ever since Preston had rescued Marcus from certain arrest at Gil Granger's party, the two had become friends. George, Preston's boyfriend, often found himself the outsider looking into Marcus and Preston's slowly growing relationship. However, George was invited to the Brooklyn Museum with the pair that afternoon to view the Murakami installation and have drinks at Soda Bar afterward.
Preston sidled up to Marcus with a quizzical expression.
"Do you like Murakami?" asked Preston.
Marcus bit his lower lip. "No, I don't," he responded nonchalantly. "Andrew does. He has a few pieces in his apartment. He says he appreciates the contrast between the prints and his Upper West Side aesthetic. I think he's just being childish. I mean this looks childish to me."
"Are you still upset about everything that went down with him at the party before the summer?" Preston asked warmly. "Because you can talk to me..."
Marcus laughed quietly as the men strolled through the sparsely filled gallery.
"You want me to bad talk Andrew, don't you?" Marcus said turning to Preston.
Preston ran cold for a moment but realized that what Marcus' was saying was by no means a smoking gun or even a particularly astute revelation on Marcus' part. Preston had to realize by now that a man as smart as Marcus would recognize when someone was prodding him for information.
"Hey listen," Preston began. "I want you to... I mean, you can say..."
"Preston," Marcus interrupted him by placing his hand on Preston's chest raising George's eyebrow by extension. "It's okay. I know what you want, at least, I mean I think I do and I'm not a hundred percent opposed to giving it to you. I just have to be assured that you're going to use whatever it is I want to tell you correctly. Just because I have bad feelings toward Andrew Kirshner now doesn't mean I want you to do something stupid to him. I still have some very strong positive feelings toward the man as well which I have to work out... Now tell me, can I trust you?"
Preston stuttered, "Yes. Or course you can."
"Good," Marcus said with gravity in his voice. "Because I have a name."
Oh, you guys have no idea how great it was to sit down and watch some "RuPaul's Drag Race" on Logo last night.
Side Note: I had to watch on Wednesday because I missed the Monday show because I was working and then my lovely co-workers, whom I love, were all "Let's go out" and I was all "Ehhh" and they were all "C'mon Junior!" and I was all "Uhhh" but then I didn't want to tell them that the only reason I was ditching them was so I could go home and watch a TV show I know I could just watch online later anyway.
So I went out. Which was dumb because the entire time I was out my mind kept drifting to thoughts of Mimi Imfurst and "Whorrey Potter & the Sorcerer's Balls " (link so NSFW that a guy like died an hour ago) so I was no good to anyone. Thus, I had to wait until Logo repeated it to see the one and a half hour (!) premiere episode of the show along with the casting special and the Untucked! show.
Can we talk? I loved it all. I will so be there for every minute of this season. It was so good. The queens this year all seem eminently watchable and I know the drama and the love will be on point.
So let's begin recapping this premiere episode and see if we can highlight all the moments that made me so happy that "Drag Race" is back and better than ever! But before I begin, I sure hope you checked out the post where we introduced the girls because Miss Junior is not doing a review lesson. Okay, let's begin again... The show began with the ladies meeting one another in the workroom just like old times. Delta Work was first, followed by Carmen Carrera (below) who looked like she got lost on her way to the Miss Lovely Ladies of Northern New Jersey pageant. Seriously, it was a little too much look especially when Carmen out of drag is cute as a muthaf*ckin button.
Well I mean they're all cute out of drag. Can I tell you something? In person, drag queens kind of scare me a little because their dragness makes them all powerful, but out of drag, they are all so pretty! Anyway, moving on.
So Carmen comes in, makes a beeline for Delta's "titties, titties!" and grabs a handful. The jury's still out on Carmen. Phoenix was next. She kinda reminded me of Noomi Rapace in those "Girl With the..." Movies. But none of this matters because next was Manila Luzon (below) who had the...
It was one of many moments of me kvelling over Manila. Like Margaret Cho says to Carrie in that episode of "Sex and the City" when she does the fashion show "I will skin [Manila] and f*cking wear you!" Next Stacy Layne Matthews, Venus D-Lite, and Yara Sofia showed up and began sniffing around the other girls as they talked about what minority groups they were part of. Yara Sofia's accent is adorbs btw.
At this time, Mariah (right) showed up serving up a look I like to call "Sexy Michelle Obama" or I guess "Even More Sexy Michelle Obama."
Seriously, I can't even tell you how much I love Mariah like her, Manila, and Raja and I seriously need to go shopping one day because I know we would all have a great time, but I'm getting ahead of myself majorly.
Alexis Mateo was next and the moment she walked in the door, I realized I didn't like her as much as I thought I did or thought I would. Totally not calling her when Mariah, Manila, Raja, and I go shopping. Anyway, India Ferrah shows up next and is basically wearing the same outfit as Phoenix. You know the "Girl With the Dragon Nest Hornet Kicked with Fire" look that's all the rage. I would talk more about that except India's hard plastic breasts are totally distracting me.
Is anyone else weirded out by this flotation device strapped to her chest?
Btw, I would totally do boy Phoenix. He's crazy cute in a I wish I didn't have these feelings kind of way. Next was MIMI IMFURST who is already a fan favorite and the show hadn't even started yet. She came bearing cookies, which some of the girls ate which is ridiculous. I wouldn't touch something anyone brought in with a 10-foot pole because I don't trust any of those b*tches no way no how!
My friends offer to cook for me and I turn those people down! Because I watched the episode of "Mystery Diagnosis" when the guy went to his friend's house and had food there and got a bacterial infection that liquidized his organs. Or something.
I don't remember exactly. But it's why I don't eat food that people bring in.
What was I talking about? Oh does it f*cking matter, Raja is here and the b*tch is wearing a Cyclops hat (left)!
Living for this! Love Raja's whole look. She reminds me of a light skinned black supermodel from the 70s. We all need this.
Moving on.
Once the girls get all comfy, Ru comes out to greet them and tell them the prizes. Remember when the list of prizes for this show was like unfurling the Talmud at a bar mitzvah, which is something I'm 80% sure happens given my limited knowledge of Jewish traditional practices.
Well, Ru has trimmed that list down considerably. Gone are all the sponsored knickknacks as is Nix cosmetics. Instead, the girl who wins the show gets make-up from some other new company, gets to headline the Drag Race tour which I still have never heard of coming to a city near me, and gets...
Wait for it...
$75,000!!!!!
It's enough to make me want to put on some heels and try to strut it. Mama's got college loans to pay! Anyway, once the girls hear about the bank that I think is up from only $25,000 in past years, this is their reaction...
So Ru also spilled what the first episode theme was going to be and this one was just as pointless as the others because I'm convinced that she makes them up in her sleep to begin with. This theme was that it was the holidays on "Drag Race"! Great, just when I'm knee deep in snow thanks to the melting ice caps I have to remember the holidays! Thanks Ru! Can't we focus on summer!? With the theme came a stocking stuffer surprise...
Shangela (above) is back for another go round in the race. Ladies were not pleased but as Phoenix said in the Untucked! show, it doesn't really matter because she's just one more contestant, and she tried out y'all.
Fairsies Squaresies.
Side Note: Ru's new pit crew guys? Hot, right? Loving the furry one.
So the girl's had to first compete in a holiday Christmas card trampoline photo shoot with hottie Mike Ruiz who looked like he just came from a bicep workout. I love every minute of Mike Ruiz's body and yeah, I guess his face and personality. So I liked Shangela and Raja's photos (right) the most...
But I actually liked Shangela's more than Raja because Raja had the "America's Next Top Model" problem of hiding her foot behind the other and if Tyra says one thing all the time it's that you have to be a model with every inch of your body. Does that apply in this situation? Of course not, but it's what Tyra would say!
But Raja won the challenge! See, I'm already fighting with the judges. It feels like back in the good old days when I recapped "Project Runway"... Memories like the corners of my mind... Misty watercolor memories...!
What happened next? The girls wore daytime drag and went to the local thrift store to find materials for their holiday-inspired runway outfits.
The daytime excursion proved to be less funny and more routine as a few "normal" shoppers in the store literally looked like they could care less that a gaggle of drag queens had just shown up hunting for bargains... So the girls did the usual thing we've seen before, running for things, buying their finds, collecting and sorting. They they go back to the workroom to begin creating their looks. This is why we're gonna skip ahead a bit in the episode, except I do have to say that their copious use of the glue gun warmed my heart. I LOVE me a glue gun y'all. That and duct tape and you can build a house. No joke. Moving on with the help of a glue gun.
Later in the dress construction phase of the episode, the girls were showing off their creations to Ru. Both Phoenix and Venus were crushing ornaments and hot gluing them to fabric which is not only not original but also kinda dangerous. Have you ever gotten a shard of ornament in your foot before. I have. Hurts like a mutha. That's why Kevin used them as a weapon in "Home Alone". No more "Home Alone" references, you say? I understand.
On the other side of the room, Shangela was constructing a whole snowman in between saying "Hallelu!" like 8,000 times and Raja worked a teal 80s inspired "Flashdance" style sweat shirt that made me totally envious because I have been trying to pull that off for years! And Carmen made no outfit.
None. Whatsoever.
So the most dramatic part of this episode came when Our Beloved Mimi (left) lost her sh*t because she didn't know how to sew... Can I just tell you that I know the pressure of this competition is serious and I would be nervous if I had to sew on camera but CAMMMAN! Even I know how to sew!
Both by hand and with a sewing machine! I mean it takes me forever by hand and I just barely know how to thread a sewing machine but if $75,000 were on the line, I would sure as hell muster all I had to remember how to sew and try it! And my mom didn't even teach me! I taught myself, me and "Sewing with Nancy"! Anyway, Mimi was all aflutter because she couldn't sew her outfit -- two words: glue gun -- and she couldn't take it all anymore. That's when my girl Mariah came over and was all "Go get ur undergarments girl," "get ur undergarments honey," "Girl, get ur undergarments" presumably to help her make her outfit, but while Mariah was saying that all I could think about was this, which always makes me laugh (the scene, not the diabetes people!)...
But it was sweet of Mariah to help. It's another reason why she's my girl.
Okay, let's bullet point the rest until judging.
- Shangela (above) made this face.
- Venus (above) revealed that she had plastic surgery to look like Madonna. You do what you do right.
- Ru's judging gown (above) was gorgeous.
- Santino is still gorgeous.
- And poor Merle Ginsburg who nobody listened to anyway has been transformed into Michelle Visage (above)!
And Vanessa Williams and Bruce Vilanch were also at judging! They didn't do much, but the judges never do! Okay onto judging...
None of the outfits really made me lose my mind.
I liked what Mimi (at very top of post) did with her Virgin Mary inspired look. I liked Raja's too (right) and was glad that she won the judging. Actually I didn't have much problem with the judging at all. Not only did I like Raja, but I thought that Shangela's light bulb skirt and Venus' pastiche of holiday confections was all bad.
They deserved to be in the bottom and have to Lip Synch for Your Life. What I was not prepared for is what I think no one was prepared for, that the Lip Synch would turn violent with Venus literally shoving the sweet Shangela around like they were on a playground and got in a petty fight. I don't think so.
No one bullies a diva on the main stage!
Get this thug outta here!
With that, there was no more Venus D-Lite. Good riddance.
Overall, the challenges didn't make much sense, but the queens are fantastic, the judging was accurate, and the show as always was incredibly enjoyable. What a great way to start the season! Now it's Question Time: Did you enjoy the season premiere of "RuPaul's Drag Race"? Who's your favorite contestant so far? Who do you think will take the crown and the bucket of money!? Do tell...
OMG. This is happening, y'all... Okay, hey everyone!
Guess what is coming back next Monday! IT'S "RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE!!!!*Screams, falls to the floor, dies, is sent to heaven, gets into a fight with like everyone, is sent back, revives self, screams again* I know. Let's break it down... Season 3 begins on Logo next Monday, January 24 at 10 AM and I will be recapping every single episode. Wait, I'll say it again... EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!!! I will not miss a tuck. I will not miss a split. I will not miss a diva tantrum or any illicit ki ki action. I will be there come hell or high water-filled platform pumps. Now I know I've been away for a few days in the past week and for that I do apologize. I was trying to balance the whole having a life with having a blog, and I was failing obvsies. But I thought I could do something to make it up to you. How about we meet the ladies of Season 3 of "RuPaul's Drag Race" and give our first impressions before the premiere?! I'll go first and you can leave your thoughts in the comments like you always do so expertly! Also, at the very end of this post is a cute video where you can meet the girls and get a bit of a feel for their personality before the show officially starts. Can't wait! Okay, let's begin and never end this b!tch!
Yara Sofia (above) 26, Manati, PR
The video below paints her as the enigmatic ice queen. I think she looks like a glammed up version of Andrea Bendewald. Can we talk about Andrea Bendewald for a moment although I know you had no clue when you started reading this post that I would not only mention Andrea Bendewald, but that I would mention her three times! See Andrea Bendewald is literally living the life I want right now. She's friends with Jennifer Aniston (thanks Wikipedia) which means that by extension, she's friends with Chelsea Handler and she's married to Mitch Rouse who is really hot.
Alright, that's all I wanted to say about that.
Stacy Layne Matthews (above) 25, Back Swamp, NC
I love her name. She's from some place called Back Swamp, which is amazing. Imagine having to write that on an envelope and have it be your actual, serious address. Amazing. She also looks like every single girl I grew up with which means I really want to go to Burger King with her and have her eat every onion ring off my tray while talking about Puerto Rican boys we want to bang.
Raja (above) 36, Los Angeles, CA
In the video, Raja's voice was distractingly deep, smooth, and seductive. Plus, in this picture, she looks like the dearly departed Teena Marie. Girl, you can go to the bathroom whenever you want because I'm giving you all kinds of passes despite the fact that you remind me of Raven hard!
Phoenix (above) 29, Atlanta, GA
I'm kinda having no opinion, which is bad. I don't really get the name in connection with the physical. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Wait. Beer. That's what I think of when I see her. Beer and dirt racing. I dunno.
Mimi Imfurst (above) 27, New York, NY
Did Mimi already win the show and it hasn't even aired yet?! I seriously feel like I've seen this girl performing for 20 years! I'm so buying her greatest hits. I love the way she kept touching the adorable John Polly in the video and did not apologize for it. Did I mention that I am in love with Mimi Imfurst, who really should consider changing the spelling of her first name to MiMi because it's funnier? Just a thought.
Venus D-Lite (above) 26, Los Angeles, CA
This is Lady GaGa. No amount of discussion in the world will convince me that this isn't Lady GaGa.
Mariah (above) 29, Atlanta, GA
Now I'm not trying to be a hater on any other girl but out of all the girls, I felt Mariah came correct with her makeup and styling moreso than any other girl. She looks fantastic and I believe she will either win the whole thing or come extremely close like top 2 or something but then Ru won't pick her because she's too beautiful. Because we all know Ru only picks beautiful girls when they are very young and she can mold them or not at all. Allegedly.
Manila Luzon (above) 25, New York, NY
She's one of my other early favorites. I just love the package presentation. If I ever release an 80s throwback album I'd want her on the cover laying on a black glossy Formica counter top with a cherry in her teeth. Although I do worry her youth and some cracks in the foundation will make Ru & Co. slap the dreaded "She's still learning" label on her that she'll never be able to shake. I hope not. She's not just a boy in a dress...
Seemed like a sweet girl, but honestly, I got nothing else.
Delta Work (above) 34, Nowalk, CA
I wanted to like her more but felt that her look and personality weren't really getting through in the picture or video. Maybe with some time she can open her heart to me baby I hold the lock and you hold the key. Open your heart to meeeee darling! I'll give you love if you, you've got the key (or something, to be honest I forgot the lyrics. I listened to a lot of Madonna recently so now every song is like stuck in my head...).
Carmen Carrera (above) 25, Elmwood Park, NJ
Is very pretty but she seems like one of those pretty girls who is pretty when they stand still and don't talk but then become less pretty when they talk and God forbid they try to dance. But then again maybe she can dance and maybe I'm just another jealous b!tch because I don't have a butch Latin boyfriend or Mystic tanned tree-trunk legs. She's the kind of girl that makes me buy boxes of Famous Amos cookies and eat them all in one sitting.
Okay, do we hate her? Is it offisch?
Alexis Mateo (above) 30, St. Petersburgh, FL
All I want to do is go to Miami with Alexis and get into the hottest club and sit at a banquette while all her friends come over to talk to us and listen to her tell them all about what happened to her that day. I have other dreams for my life but this is slowly becoming the most important one...
Okay everyone, those are the girls! I expect you to have their names down because when the recaps start next week, I will not be going over any of this material in my slides! Now, give me your thoughts and check out the video I was referring to after the jump!
I love everything about this commercial. I saw it last night and just had to. Had to.
I love the guy who went to Pupilo. I love the guy who didn't. I love the intertitle "Next Day at the Mall..." when we can clearly tell by the narrative in the commercial that it is in fact the next day and they are at the mall. I love the faux fur coat the Pupilo guy's lady is wearing at the end. I love that the Pupilo guy and his lady went to Bloomingdales and Lord & Taylor's on the same day because clearly they know that while Bloomie's has good men's selection, L&T has the great ladies sales racks. I love that Pupilo is located 10 minutes from my apartment. I love that the guy who didn't go to Pupilo is wearing fingerless gloves. I love the fact that I would like to go dancing with all of these people and then stumble into a kiss with the guy who didn't go to Pupilo.
Then I want to bring him to Pupilo because he really does need to get his taxes done. Lastly, I love that this commercial is also... in Spanish (below)!
Now I know you may not be in the area but don't you want to come to Yonkers and have your taxes done with some flair?
p.s. I have like a basket-full of ridiculous commercials in my coffers, so many that I could turn this blog into a commercial blog but I won't because there is more to life, not much more but more...
This summer will be all about the tunic (pictured above).
I literally had a dream a few nights ago where I was told by the heavens that I would be wearing nothing but tunics come June and that I would look amazing! I am kinda crazy excited by this fashion development as last summer was all about tight, slutty shirts that forced me to stay slim.
I can eat whatever the funk I want in a tunic! Now will you join me on a tunic-full summer or are you worried I may look like a Roman warrior?
Hey everyone! I have a hectic work schedule this week and I'm working on finishing This Week in Junior at the same time (heads up, it's not going well), so I realized that you guys can totally run my blog for a little while as I go off to finish some things and pay the bills. Thus, I present a new Question to the World. This one is pretty simple. I just want to know what you did while I wasn't blogging. That's why I picked Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" (right)... Get it, get it...
Oh, do you want to feel old... That song came out... 7 YEARS AGO! Isn't that crazy!? Anyway, I stopped blogging on July 15, 2010 and returned on Jan. 1. That was like 5 or so months. So whatdado? Wait, let me ask it all official like...
Whatcha guys bin doin' while I was gonesies?
Yes, that was professional. Moving on.
Did you go on a summer trip while I was gone or maybe you met the love of your life? Perhaps you ate your weight's worth in brie or you started training for a marathon while I was gone, whatever you did no matter how boring or not, I want to know about it. You guys are my life blood and although I did have to leave you to connect to the Earth again, I missed you all like crazy and now need to live vicariously though you like I did before (I hope we feed off each other reciprocally, I hope). I never get tired of your stories! As with every Question to the World, I will tell you my answer and then you can include yours in the comments section of this here web site. Okay, wow, my whole point for taking a break was that I was starting to feel like the blog was a chore and not something that I enjoyed. It's so crazy how the break really helped because I can't wait to talk to you guys now whereas then I literally thought about shutting down permanently almost every day. So what did I do to make myself feel better about blogging and talking to everyone here?
I visited every popular casino in the United States. I digress. Basically, I went on not one, not two, not even three different vacations, but like five different completely separate vacations to places all around the country. Except unlike "Eat Pray Love," I went to casinos. Lots of them. My trip could have been called Eat Play Lose because I did a lot of each. Would you like to see a few photos from my summer/fall travels? Alright, here we go.
This is an important photo because it sets the stage for the rest of my time away.
So shortly after I broke from blogging, me and my bestie spent some time on Jones Beach where I proceed to break out in a heat rash so severe that I had to go to the infirmary where I was given... ice. After that I had to cover up my arms and legs completely because I would break out into a rash. That's when I deemed myself to be The Most Fully Dressed Person on the Beach... Until I saw that guy in the photo above!
I was wearing sweat pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. I don't know if you can see, but that guy is wearing a button down dress shirt and flat-front khaki pants and a hat to the beach. I instantly felt better. But before we move on, let's put a few key words into our memory bank: cover heat severe rash.
Okay, next picture.
This is a picture of me working it in Sheboygan... Okay, you got me. I was in Atlantic City. I like this picture because I wanted to take it but the moment I sat down, I didn't know how I wanted to sit so I thought to myself "Self, if you were Debbie Reynolds, how would you sit?" Snap. Photo taken.
So Atlantic City was fun. I won and lost 20 bucks. And I walked the boardwalk in July in the daytime. What were our key words from earlier? Yeah, I got a heat rash all on my neck and down my back. Luckily my bestie & I had a hotel room nearby so I would tend to my own rash with a little more than ice.
And then I took this picture.
Moving on. Next photo. No, don't encourage me. Next photo.
These are a few photos from my bestie's birthday party in the city. It was just something else I did while I was gone so I thought I'd include some pics.
p.s. the people dancing in the first photo above were not invited to the party. They literally danced in, noticed they weren't welcome, and sashayed their way on out. Not before eating some of the food we ordered. Harumph. Next.
This is a photo of me in Las Vegas!
Yes, because Atlantic City wasn't enough for heat and casinos, I went to Sin City in August for a week. I had a lot of fun. I like this photo above mostly because I look thin, which is a lie, and because I'm wearing one of my favorite ensembles: what I call the "Carlton Banks On Holiday". This is at a club on the roof of the Rio that I forgot the name of. For the whole trip to Vegas, I went with a group of about 15 people (but I took a separate plane because I'm that girl) and proceeded to see 5 for the whole trip because some people took off to play slots the whole time, while my group was more the go out until 4 AM and then play slots and then go to pool... where I proceeded to get a heat rash AGAIN! All over my body. Itchy like whoa, you have no idea!
After this, I called my mother who informed me calmly "Oh yes, I get heat rashes all the time. You're just getting all my ailments" which means in 30 years, I'll be going through menopause. Great. I just want to show you one other photo from Vegas because it makes me smile.
A friend took it in New York, New York... Not the city, the casino...
Can you say "Man Cleavage"!? It's like I went to Vegas and forgot how to use buttons. And look at that woman on the right. She totally noticed too...
I have tons more photos, some including even more man cleve but I will stop here because some of the photos have me looking angry that I didn't have sex in Vegas, which was the only thing I really wanted to do, so we'll skip those. Oh, and I wanted to drive to the mountains, which I also didn't do so two things. Ugh. Anyway, while I get myself together so I can go back and have sex in the mountains in Las Vegas, tell me what you did while I was gone!
I'm all ears, and cleve, and rash. Trust, I have a rash somewhere prolly. I'll find it.
If you don't know, EGOT is an acronym that stands for the Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony Awards, which when won by one person, is a testament to the excellence of their craft. Fitness model Matus Valent deserves all of these awards for his brave and stirring turn in the latest T-CORE commercial above. Watch it. Try not to cry. Did you start watching? Are you crying? Exactly.
To explain, T-CORE is an abdominal muscle exercise machine that looks like it very well may be the Most Worthless Piece of Ab Exercise Equipment Ever Created and that includes the knee crushing Ab Circle Pro. I mean are they serious? Not only can we tell the thing is completely plastic, but it's not even good quality plastic. It's that kind of plastic they use to make cheap water pistols. But Matus, Mr. Valent if your nasty, is selling it in this commercial like I've got the disease and he's got the antidote. Just listen to those guttural grunts. It's his way of saying "I know it looks like a cheap, but it works!"
And his performance is so good, I almost want to believe him, if only for the fact that I know his body doesn't look like that because of something called a T-CORE. Now I've said it before and I'll say it again: the effectiveness/safety of a piece of exercise equipment is inversely related to the hotness of the model used in the ad campaign for that equipment... The hotter the model, the less effective/safe the equipment...
I think we can safely say that not only will the T-CORE not give you great abs, it may very well kill you even when you're not using it. I mean look at him.
But Matus, honey, you had me going for a minute with your brava acting chops. And the fact that I saw this commercial at 3 AM and I don't have a boyfriend. Um, Brava Matus! Brava! Throw in a Pulitzer while you're at it! He deserves it!
What do you think of Matus and his acting skills in this commercial? How cheap does the T-CORE look to you? And given that Matus is Slovakian, how quickly do you think I can learn the phrase "Will you be my lover husband?" in Slovak? A few days? A week? Two weeks tops?
Oh God, I'm hyperventilating. There is literally just so much. I don't even know where to begin. Alright, calm down lady and get yourself together. Let's break this cover down step by step before I kvell all over my keyboard.
First of all, I was totally in my favorite bookstore the other day looking for a calendar because my mom stole my dad's calendar that he likes to write his appointments on and she put it on the wall in the kitchen. Instead of just taking it down, my father calls me and asks me to get him another calendar because he'd "rather just not deal with your mother" right now. When in the bookstore, I totally did not even buy a calendar. Instead, I moseyed over to the romance novel section to see if I could find... That's when I spotted this cover and lost my sh!t. Okay, so "The Firefighter's Secret Baby." Relax.
Second point, we know I love fire fighters so immediately I liked what this cover had to offer. Plus, he's in Atlanta which we glean from the "Atlanta Heroes" sticker on the side there and we know it gets hot in Atlanta which means that shirt has to be coming off at some point in time... But stop! We are blatantly ignoring the fact that HE'S HOLDING A MUTHAF*CKING BABY! Third of all, how can the story be called "The Firefighter's SECRET Baby" when he obvs knows about the baby because he's HOLDING it!
Or maybe he's holding it but whatever skankina had his baby didn't tell him that that's his baby so he's holding it all "Oh look at this cute baby" and she's all "Look at this cute... YOUR SON!" Furthermore, what woman in her right mind would have this adorable man's baby and keep it a secret! You need to let him know and lock that fire fighter down, grrrrl! Not only are they hot, but they get good pensions which means you'd be set for life!
Last thing because I'm losing my voice from screaming, HOW IS ANY OF THIS ROMANTIC?! The "Harlequin Super Romance" label at the top would indicate that this story is a romance of some kind but secret babies and firefighters and Atlanta are great separately but mixed together I fail to see THE ROMANCE. What do you think of this novel cover? By the way, Ms. DeStefano is cute as all get out and has a name which contains the name of a "Days of Our Lives" villain so she's good people in my book. Back to important things, this cover... I'm gonna need breaking down assistance. Whatchagot?
Alright, I'm trying to kick through these Best of 2010 posts this week so that next week we'll have all the time in the world to discuss goofy things that pique my interest. So here are my favorites in music for 2010! After you peruse, do tell me what your favorite artists and songs of last year were!
I was worried a little when I first heard the slightly anemic "Fire With Fire" but then I heard "Sex and Violence" and all was forgiven. I knew Jake Shears & Co. could never lead me astray with this brilliant, danceable, luscious album.
Okay, you guys know how Twinnies or No Twinnies works so let's begin... Today, we are deciding whether Pomplamoose singer, burgeoning indie hipster goddess, and Hyundai commercial star Nataly Dawn (below)...
(Revisit earlier chapters by clicking here)
