Juice with Junior

Welcome to the holiday season here at Juice with Junior! 'Tis the season for heart-warming holiday-related posts through the new year!

This is always a really fun time at the blog because we get to not only indulge our love of things goofy and shirtless, but we get to do it singing carols as well! What could be better than that? How about these gifts?! See what I did... Anyway, as I have done in holidays past, I wanted to start the season by giving you all a handy dandy shopping guide in case you haven't finished your Santa list yet. Listen, don't look at me cross. I haven't even started my shopping list yet. Actually, that's not true. For my mom, I got her my stank face. For my dad, I got him my icy glare, and for my sister, yes, you guessed it, the cold shoulder. But I kid, I kid (not really).

You weren't there at Thanksgiving.

Anyway, I haven't done any shopping, which is why I wanted to put together a list for all us late comers (hehe) to the gift giving season. Maybe you didn't go to Walmart and get into a fight over a $2 waffle maker that you don't need. Or maybe you didn't sit outside a Best Buy on Thanksgiving Day to buy a TV you don't need because one day you're gonna die and realize that stupid TV will never give you back the time with your loved ones that you just lost, you dead inside person.

Maybe like me, you chose to reorganize your personal entertainment video collection while not unpacking in your brand new apartment. I understand, girl. I understand. But never fear! There are plenty of gifts still left to be purchased and given and then regifted the following year. Let's list 'em!

And as always, I welcome your gift ideas in the comments.


10)


Tickets to see "Anderson": Anderson Cooper's new talk show (above)

Maybe you can go and have Anderson interrupt you while you're trying to ask a question/tell a joke. No, I haven't gotten over it. We may be divorcing. News... not reported by Anderson at 11.


9)


A copy of the book "Terrorist Cop" (above)

I've seen this book at an old Borders bookstore that I used to frequent and I always played this little game with people about it. Before you read any further, tell me: what do you think a book called "Terrorist Cop" is about? Could it possibly be about a cop who's a terrorist? Possibly perhaps?


Well, you're wrong! It's a book about a COP who FIGHTS TERRORISTS! Seriously dude, this is like the worst book title ever! Every time I saw it, I would say to myself "I never remember hearing on the news about an NYPD cop being a terrorist." That's because you're not! REPRINT.


8)

Whatever the hell these guys are talking about/making/I have no idea

(above; slightly NSFW, not really, but you know)

This video is also a little old (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry). I like this video because I have literally watched it 4 times and I still have absolutely no idea what is going on. Like just when you think it's starting to make some kind of sense, it goes off the rails again.

By the way, Kristi, I love you most of all.


7)


An iPhone 4 and a plane ticket to Australia (above)

Nothing could ever go...

Oh dear... At least it's not the 4S. Next gift.


6)

The best book anyone's ever read on the subway (below)


Exactly. My bad.


5)


Speaking of books, you could get someone a gift card to Bord... (above)

What was that? Rut row.


4)


A Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake (above)

This video will never get old. Side note: If, for some reason, your Kwanzaa cake doesn't come out as delicious and utterly ridiculous as Almost New York First Lady Sandra Lee's, it's OK. Just do what Lee does. Make as many mixed drinks for your party (or yourself) as it takes to forget you made the cake in the first place. Works like a charm!


3)


"Anthony's Weener," the Anthony Weiner gay porn parody (above; NSFW)

It never gets old. Ever. Ever.


2)


The longest flashlight I have ever seen (above)

It is the Maglite 6-Cell D White Star, which sounds like the name of a fancy car. I saw it in a store with a few friends of mine and picked it up, held it out to the sales guy, and sincerely asked "Who would need a flashlight this long? Who?" It's 19 inches long. It was like the length of my arm. When the sales guy provided no answers, my friend turned to the flashlight and said without missing a beat "that's going up somebody's a$$." Happy Holidays, everyone!


1)


Or you could stop all this foolishness and get everyone an MP3 player that only plays Vanessa Williams' "What Child Is This?" on endless loop (above)

And yes, this was a trick to keep this video on the blog. You're welcome.


Question Time! What are you getting your loved ones for the holidays this year? Did you partake in any of that Black Friday/Cyber Monday stuff? Doesn't 'Cyber Monday' sound like an online sex party some AOL pervs would have thrown in 1997? What do you want for the holidays this year?

After answering world peace and all the puppies and kittens to leave the shelter, tell me what do you really want for the holidays this year?

You want an iPad, don't you? It's cool. I do too.