Juice with Junior

When I couldn't think of anything to write about and you guys were all "um, we're OK with muscle videos if you wanted to make a sandwich or...", I decided to turn somewhere else to get blog inspiration.

That someone is my mother, and if you were wondering, yes, my mother is Diahann Carroll, and yes, my childhood was amazing (when mom wasn't standing next to hors d'oeuvre platters in high-waisted palazzo pants not letting me eat the shrimp kabobs), but I digress.

I have hit a snag with my moving out of my parents' house in the form of a co-op board in a kinda but not really fancy building in New York that likes to move at a glacial pace. Thusforth, I have been unable to leave the nest and reestablish the Junior homestead as it once was. What does this boil down to? A lot of time with mom in front of the TV while mom says things that I wish other people could hear while searching for her glasses, which are always on her head. So, because I can't think of anything interesting to write, I will leave the comments to my mother, who probably should have her own blog but can't because she still has trouble with the "one click for buttons, two clicks for folders" rule of personal computers. I've tried to teach her but the furthest I've gotten is "Junior, will you just do this for me!" so we've got aways to go before she's blogging up a storm (give it time).

After this paragraph, you will be reading the opinions of my mother. The key thing to remember is that arguing with her about something will get you nowhere because you don't know as much as she does and that she's not trying to be funny, it's the truth (which is a phrase I find myself saying a lot and it makes me realize I'm turning into her *screams*) Enjoy!


Charlie's Angels (ABC)


"Oh my God, have you seen it? It's so bad. It's soooo bad. Like, yes, the girls are pretty, but none of them can act. It's like where did they find these girls? They should put their pictures on screen and leave it at that because the whole them trying to say lines thing is just not working. It's filmed pretty. [Editor's Note: A show being filmed pretty is very big for my mother. Like tops.]"


The X Factor (FOX)


"This is American Idol, right? [Editor's Note: I then explained that "X Factor" and "American Idol" are two different shows.] So "American Idol" is over? [Editor's Note: I then explained that "American Idol" would be coming back in January.] That's not possible. There's no way they would have two singing shows on like this. You wait and see, I bet you "American Idol" is over and this is its replacement. Jesus, Simon Cowell is rich. [Pause] Where are the chairs that spin around?"


Revenge (ABC)


"The first time I saw this show I thought it was about vampires. I mean, look at it. Who talks to other people like this? Look at the way they're all looking at each other. They're all looking at each other like they're about to take a bite. And they're all perfect looking and shiny and well dressed. Like their fangs are gonna appear all of the sudden. Especially Madeline Stowe."

[Editor's Note: Mom is completely right. I cannot watch this show without thinking that someone is gonna get their neck bitten. Watch it and tell me we're wrong.]


Unforgettable (CBS)


[Editor's Note: I made the mistake of telling my mom that this show was originally titled The Rememberer.] "Hahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaa! The Rememberer! Hahahahahahahahaaaaa!"


The Playboy Club (NBC CANCELLED)


"It was so fakey fakey. But they did get a good actress to play Tina Turner. She really looked like Tina did, you know, before Europe got her."


2 Broke Girls (CBS)


"This actually looks funny. I would watch this. Junior, program the DVR so I can watch it on the weekends. I wouldn't be asking you if I knew how to do it. [Pause] Yes, I read the book!"


American Horror Story (FX)


"Ooh, it's Tami Taylor! [Editor's Note: my mother loved "Friday Night Lights" where Connie Britton (above left) played Tami Taylor.] And she's in this show with what's his name. Dermot. It's Dermot something, right? [Editor's Note: I explained to mom that she was thinking about Dermot Mulroney and not the guy who was really in the show, Dylan McDermott (above center).] See, I know what Tami Taylor is doing. She was just on "Friday Night Lights" with Coach Taylor [Editor's Note: mom means Kyle Chandler, who is hot.] and now she's on this show with the Dermot guy. Girlfriend likes to keep company with all the best looking men in Hollywood. She's smart though, who wants to be kissing on some ugly guy even if it's just acting... I sure wouldn't."


Free Agents (NBC CANCELLED)


"The show isn't very good, but I love all the dresses that the main woman [Editor's Note: mom means Kathryn Hahn.] wears. They're all business dresses, the same kind, but they're all really form fitting. I'm over suits. I'm gonna start wearing dresses again. I wish I could find out where the costume designer got all her dresses. I'm so sick of suits. You couldn't get me in a suit if you tried."


Pan Am (ABC)


"You know that joke about how white people think all black people look alike? Well, um, [Pause] I can't tell any of these girls apart. I just can't. They all look like one girl. Then they had the nerve to put them all in uniforms, just to make it more difficult. I'll probably watch it."


Person of Interest (CBS)


"All this is is them trying to bring back all the "LOST" people... [Editor's Note: mom was a big fan of "LOST".] John Locke is guest starring on Hawaii 5-0 with the Asian guy from "LOST"... They need to stop playing and just bring back "LOST"... [Pause] They didn't ascend to heaven, Junior, they're still alive and they need to bring the show back instead of this piecemeal thing! They're still alive!"


Up All Night (NBC)


"Maya Rudolph is so crazy. And Christina Applegate is actually funny on this one, not like her last few shows. And the guy is really tall. Most men in Hollywood are not that tall. He's tall."



New Girl (FOX)


"I actually laughed at the little commercial. They actually had some jokes. Hmm, I don't know. It's either this one or the 'Broke Girls' show. Can't be both. Don't have the time."


Last Man Standing (ABC)


"Will someone please tell Tim Allen to sit down already? Just... sit... down."


Question Time: What new fall shows have you been enjoying? Seeing as how I am not in control of what I watch because when watching TV with my mom, you watch what she wants to watch, what shows do you recommend I check out? What old favorites have been doing well this year? What do you hope gets picked up or canceled? Any midseason shows you're excited about?