Juice with Junior

Oh, you guys have no idea how great it was to sit down and watch some "RuPaul's Drag Race" on Logo last night.

Side Note: I had to watch on Wednesday because I missed the Monday show because I was working and then my lovely co-workers, whom I love, were all "Let's go out" and I was all "Ehhh" and they were all "C'mon Junior!" and I was all "Uhhh" but then I didn't want to tell them that the only reason I was ditching them was so I could go home and watch a TV show I know I could just watch online later anyway.

So I went out. Which was dumb because the entire time I was out my mind kept drifting to thoughts of Mimi Imfurst and "Whorrey Potter & the Sorcerer's Balls " (link so NSFW that a guy like died an hour ago) so I was no good to anyone. Thus, I had to wait until Logo repeated it to see the one and a half hour (!) premiere episode of the show along with the casting special and the Untucked! show.

Can we talk? I loved it all. I will so be there for every minute of this season. It was so good. The queens this year all seem eminently watchable and I know the drama and the love will be on point.

So let's begin recapping this premiere episode and see if we can highlight all the moments that made me so happy that "Drag Race" is back and better than ever! But before I begin, I sure hope you checked out the post where we introduced the girls because Miss Junior is not doing a review lesson. Okay, let's begin again... The show began with the ladies meeting one another in the workroom just like old times. Delta Work was first, followed by Carmen Carrera (below) who looked like she got lost on her way to the Miss Lovely Ladies of Northern New Jersey pageant. Seriously, it was a little too much look especially when Carmen out of drag is cute as a muthaf*ckin button.


Well I mean they're all cute out of drag. Can I tell you something? In person, drag queens kind of scare me a little because their dragness makes them all powerful, but out of drag, they are all so pretty! Anyway, moving on.

So Carmen comes in, makes a beeline for Delta's "titties, titties!" and grabs a handful. The jury's still out on Carmen. Phoenix was next. She kinda reminded me of Noomi Rapace in those "Girl With the..." Movies. But none of this matters because next was Manila Luzon (below) who had the...


It was one of many moments of me kvelling over Manila. Like Margaret Cho says to Carrie in that episode of "Sex and the City" when she does the fashion show "I will skin [Manila] and f*cking wear you!" Next Stacy Layne Matthews, Venus D-Lite, and Yara Sofia showed up and began sniffing around the other girls as they talked about what minority groups they were part of. Yara Sofia's accent is adorbs btw.

At this time, Mariah (right) showed up serving up a look I like to call "Sexy Michelle Obama" or I guess "Even More Sexy Michelle Obama."

Seriously, I can't even tell you how much I love Mariah like her, Manila, and Raja and I seriously need to go shopping one day because I know we would all have a great time, but I'm getting ahead of myself majorly.

Alexis Mateo was next and the moment she walked in the door, I realized I didn't like her as much as I thought I did or thought I would. Totally not calling her when Mariah, Manila, Raja, and I go shopping. Anyway, India Ferrah shows up next and is basically wearing the same outfit as Phoenix. You know the "Girl With the Dragon Nest Hornet Kicked with Fire" look that's all the rage. I would talk more about that except India's hard plastic breasts are totally distracting me.

Is anyone else weirded out by this flotation device strapped to her chest?

Btw, I would totally do boy Phoenix. He's crazy cute in a I wish I didn't have these feelings kind of way. Next was MIMI IMFURST who is already a fan favorite and the show hadn't even started yet. She came bearing cookies, which some of the girls ate which is ridiculous. I wouldn't touch something anyone brought in with a 10-foot pole because I don't trust any of those b*tches no way no how!

My friends offer to cook for me and I turn those people down! Because I watched the episode of "Mystery Diagnosis" when the guy went to his friend's house and had food there and got a bacterial infection that liquidized his organs. Or something.

I don't remember exactly. But it's why I don't eat food that people bring in.

What was I talking about? Oh does it f*cking matter, Raja is here and the b*tch is wearing a Cyclops hat (left)!

Living for this! Love Raja's whole look. She reminds me of a light skinned black supermodel from the 70s. We all need this.

Moving on.

Once the girls get all comfy, Ru comes out to greet them and tell them the prizes. Remember when the list of prizes for this show was like unfurling the Talmud at a bar mitzvah, which is something I'm 80% sure happens given my limited knowledge of Jewish traditional practices.

Well, Ru has trimmed that list down considerably. Gone are all the sponsored knickknacks as is Nix cosmetics. Instead, the girl who wins the show gets make-up from some other new company, gets to headline the Drag Race tour which I still have never heard of coming to a city near me, and gets...

Wait for it...

$75,000!!!!!
It's enough to make me want to put on some heels and try to strut it. Mama's got college loans to pay! Anyway, once the girls hear about the bank that I think is up from only $25,000 in past years, this is their reaction...


So Ru also spilled what the first episode theme was going to be and this one was just as pointless as the others because I'm convinced that she makes them up in her sleep to begin with. This theme was that it was the holidays on "Drag Race"! Great, just when I'm knee deep in snow thanks to the melting ice caps I have to remember the holidays! Thanks Ru! Can't we focus on summer!? With the theme came a stocking stuffer surprise...


Shangela (above) is back for another go round in the race. Ladies were not pleased but as Phoenix said in the Untucked! show, it doesn't really matter because she's just one more contestant, and she tried out y'all.

Fairsies Squaresies.

Side Note: Ru's new pit crew guys? Hot, right? Loving the furry one.

So the girl's had to first compete in a holiday Christmas card trampoline photo shoot with hottie Mike Ruiz who looked like he just came from a bicep workout. I love every minute of Mike Ruiz's body and yeah, I guess his face and personality. So I liked Shangela and Raja's photos (right) the most...

But I actually liked Shangela's more than Raja because Raja had the "America's Next Top Model" problem of hiding her foot behind the other and if Tyra says one thing all the time it's that you have to be a model with every inch of your body. Does that apply in this situation? Of course not, but it's what Tyra would say!

But Raja won the challenge! See, I'm already fighting with the judges. It feels like back in the good old days when I recapped "Project Runway"... Memories like the corners of my mind... Misty watercolor memories...!

What happened next? The girls wore daytime drag and went to the local thrift store to find materials for their holiday-inspired runway outfits.

The daytime excursion proved to be less funny and more routine as a few "normal" shoppers in the store literally looked like they could care less that a gaggle of drag queens had just shown up hunting for bargains... So the girls did the usual thing we've seen before, running for things, buying their finds, collecting and sorting. They they go back to the workroom to begin creating their looks. This is why we're gonna skip ahead a bit in the episode, except I do have to say that their copious use of the glue gun warmed my heart. I LOVE me a glue gun y'all. That and duct tape and you can build a house. No joke. Moving on with the help of a glue gun.

Later in the dress construction phase of the episode, the girls were showing off their creations to Ru. Both Phoenix and Venus were crushing ornaments and hot gluing them to fabric which is not only not original but also kinda dangerous. Have you ever gotten a shard of ornament in your foot before. I have. Hurts like a mutha. That's why Kevin used them as a weapon in "Home Alone". No more "Home Alone" references, you say? I understand.

On the other side of the room, Shangela was constructing a whole snowman in between saying "Hallelu!" like 8,000 times and Raja worked a teal 80s inspired "Flashdance" style sweat shirt that made me totally envious because I have been trying to pull that off for years! And Carmen made no outfit.

None. Whatsoever.

So the most dramatic part of this episode came when Our Beloved Mimi (left) lost her sh*t because she didn't know how to sew... Can I just tell you that I know the pressure of this competition is serious and I would be nervous if I had to sew on camera but CAMMMAN! Even I know how to sew!

Both by hand and with a sewing machine! I mean it takes me forever by hand and I just barely know how to thread a sewing machine but if $75,000 were on the line, I would sure as hell muster all I had to remember how to sew and try it! And my mom didn't even teach me! I taught myself, me and "Sewing with Nancy"! Anyway, Mimi was all aflutter because she couldn't sew her outfit -- two words: glue gun -- and she couldn't take it all anymore. That's when my girl Mariah came over and was all "Go get ur undergarments girl," "get ur undergarments honey," "Girl, get ur undergarments" presumably to help her make her outfit, but while Mariah was saying that all I could think about was this, which always makes me laugh (the scene, not the diabetes people!)...


But it was sweet of Mariah to help. It's another reason why she's my girl.

Okay, let's bullet point the rest until judging.


- Shangela (above) made this face.


- Venus (above) revealed that she had plastic surgery to look like Madonna. You do what you do right.


- Ru's judging gown (above) was gorgeous.

- Santino is still gorgeous.


- And poor Merle Ginsburg who nobody listened to anyway has been transformed into Michelle Visage (above)!

And Vanessa Williams and Bruce Vilanch were also at judging! They didn't do much, but the judges never do! Okay onto judging...

None of the outfits really made me lose my mind.

I liked what Mimi (at very top of post) did with her Virgin Mary inspired look. I liked Raja's too (right) and was glad that she won the judging. Actually I didn't have much problem with the judging at all. Not only did I like Raja, but I thought that Shangela's light bulb skirt and Venus' pastiche of holiday confections was all bad.

They deserved to be in the bottom and have to Lip Synch for Your Life. What I was not prepared for is what I think no one was prepared for, that the Lip Synch would turn violent with Venus literally shoving the sweet Shangela around like they were on a playground and got in a petty fight. I don't think so.

No one bullies a diva on the main stage!

Get this thug outta here!

With that, there was no more Venus D-Lite. Good riddance.


Overall, the challenges didn't make much sense, but the queens are fantastic, the judging was accurate, and the show as always was incredibly enjoyable. What a great way to start the season! Now it's Question Time: Did you enjoy the season premiere of "RuPaul's Drag Race"? Who's your favorite contestant so far? Who do you think will take the crown and the bucket of money!? Do tell...