Juice with Junior

Dear Stevie Wonder (left),

Hi. Hello. How are you? It's so wonderful having this chance to talk to you and tell you what's on my mind about you today. Note: to whomever is reading this letter to Mr. Wonder, please place strong emphasis any time I use italics because those are the parts of the letter I really want to stress, and thank you for reading him the letter. It means a lot to me.

Did you just stress that, the "a lot" in the last sentence? Because if you didn't, this arrangement isn't gonna work. I need all italicized words stressed. If you did stress it, then you can continue to read the letter. Great. Mr. Wonder, I, like the rest of the world, love you. You are a true visionary. An inspiration, not only as a musician, but also as a person and humanitarian. I'm sure that whomever plays you in the movie of your life will win an Oscar and you'll be in the audience and that actor will hold up their award and you'll stand up and everyone else will stand up because you stood up and they will so replay the moment back on "Access Hollywood" and Shaun Robinson will be crying... like a baby. But that's not what this letter is about. I'll give you the back story.

I was recently out with a group of people I know. They weren't really "friends," they were friends of someone I know and they were just driving me home. Anyway, there were like four of us in the car and there was no music on. The driver of the car who as I said, I didn't really know that well, said that we should play some music to liven the drive up a little. Then, he presses 'Play' on his in stereo CD player and out comes "Superstition," your song. Now, clearly these weren't friends of mine because any friend of mine would know that your music is not the way I would choose to liven anything up. All my friends know that this will get me jazzed up faster than anything. It's not to say that I don't love your music. I do! "Uptight (Everything's Alright)" is my "American Idol" song. You know, the song I would sing if I was ever auditioning for "American Idol." And "Ngiculela-Es Una Historia-I Am Singing" can reduce me to tears. That being said, something happened to me when I was sitting in that car: I realized that you need to make more music. Do you want to know how I came to that realization? It happened because while I was sitting in that car, I thought to myself...

If I have to freakin' listen to "Superstition" one more time, I'm gonna lose my freakin' mind!

Reader, did you place strong emphasis on the above sentence? Did you? I'm trusting you here. I apologize in advance, Mr. Wonder, for the things I am about to say. See, people love you and they love that song, but I can't. Stevie Wonder, I am a black man whose parents grew up in the 1970s. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE HAD TO LISTEN TO "SUPERSTITION"?! DO YOU?! Family gatherings, long car trips with my father, birthday parties, holidays, every single time it comes on the radio... I have had to listen to "Superstition," conservatively, several hundred times. Do you know what happens when you have to listen to the same song for several hundred times and you hear it... again?

You freak the f#ck out, which is what I did.

As soon as I heard "bum dum bum pum dummm, dun dun dun dunnnn, dunnn, dunn, dunnnn, dun dun dun dunnn, very superstitious, writing on the waaaalll..."

I yelled out to the driver "Oh, f#ck no!" and made him change the CD. I then tried to explain as best I could that I could not bear to listen to Stevie right now, and he agreed, although I think it is now safe to say that those people will never be my friends. I wondered why I had such a visceral reaction to hearing your song.

I realized it's not because the songs are bad, it's because they're overplayed because it's all we have. People love you, and they want to play your music because it's so good, but because you haven't released as nearly as many albums now as you did in the 70s, people just play your old stuff... over and over and over and over and over and... you get the idea. When I hear "Boogie On Reggae Woman" at the supermarket, my left eye starts to twitch. I once lost bladder control after hearing "I Just Called to Say I Love You" for the 10,000th time at the mall. Not because these songs are bad, it's because I've heard them so many times! We need to give the masses something new to consume, which is why you have to start releasing more new albums with great songs. You can do it! I have faith in you. You're still a music genius, despite what 2005's "A Time to Love" would have us believe!

And you're only 60 years old! My dad's 60 and he still gets up every morning to work construction... in the Bronx! So don't tell me you can march yourself down to that recording studio and think of something even halfway decent that people can fall in love with and play over and over again instead of "Living for the City" (seriously, how many times do I have to suffer through hearing that interlude? I get it!)

As I mentioned, your last album was five years ago, and your last one before that was ten years prior. Who do you think you are, Sade? You were cranking those albums out in the 70s like Oprah gives out cars! What happened? Let's discuss this, because I need you back on the hooch so we can get some material out of you, before, you know... you're, um, no longer with us... Reader, you don't have to read that last part if you don't want to.

Anyway, your Wikipedia page says that...

"By June 2008 Wonder was working on two projects simultaneously: a new album titled The Gospel Inspired By Lula which will deal with the various spiritual and cultural crises facing the world, and Through The Eyes Of Wonder, an album which Wonder has described as a performance piece that will reflect his experience as a blind man. Wonder was also keeping the door open for a collaboration with Tony Bennett and Quincy Jones concerning a rumoured (sic) jazz album."

That all sounds crazy interesting, seriously, but um, nary a word has been spoken on any of these possible albums and it has been two years already. I heard that you just coughed and "Talking Book" was created, so what gives? Then, today, just today, I was doing research for my letter to you, just to make sure you hadn't released any albums when I wasn't looking and I saw you released a DVD called "Stevie Wonder: Live at Last, A Wonder Summer's Night" (left) and even the heartless, greedy b!tch in me was like "Oh, Junior, calm yourself. The man is working. I shouldn't be so hard on him. Let me just see this tracklist (below)..."

Are you f#cking kidding me?!

Mr. Wonder, excuse my language, but c'mon, you're killing me here! Are you even sick of performing these songs after almost in some cases 40 years?! That's it! I want that first album mentioned above delivered by the end of June, the next one by the end of September, and that jazz album by the end of the year with a couple of videos each and maybe a performance or two on all the talk shows to get the pub out there! No Excuses Will Be Tolerated!

Now, because while this is a letter to you, I am posting on my blog, I have to ask other people for their opinions. Reader to Mr. Wonder, you can stop and take a beverage break if you'd like. Everyone, am I being too hard on Mr. Wonder or do you agree that these songs have been performed into the ground and that it's time for something new? And what Stevie Wonder song have you heard 18,000 times in your own life?