Friday, December 11, 2009

Question: What's Gay About the New Sherlock Holmes Movie Poster? Answer: Everything.

Every single day, as I make my way downtown, I pass a large-scale version of the above poster for the upcoming Sherlock Holmes movie featuring Robert "No Matter How Much Coke I (Allegedly) Do People Will Love Me" Downey, Jr. and Jude Law. And every single time I pass it, I think to myself "That has to be the gayest movie poster I have ever seen before." Now as I am a gay man myself, you have to understand that I say that with love, not pejoratively. I don't wish the poster were straighter, I'm merely surprised that a top line movie studio exec didn't pause and think "Hmm, is it just me or could this poster not be any gayer if it was two men literally making love on top of a box filled with kittens and fashion sense."

I kind of can't believe it's what's selling a major holiday blockbuster. Are you having trouble seeing what I am? Let's break it down:

1. Jude Law. Girlfriend is wurkin' it like nobody's business! This picture is proof to me that there is a little fab in everyone. First of all, can we talk about the pout? If he is not making this pout throughout the entire movie, I will be sorely disappointed. Secondly, I want that suit. Thirdly, and most importantly, WHERE IS HIS OTHER HAND!!!!????

2. Downey, Jr.'s feathered hair. It's not really gay. It's more lesbian. I've definitely seen a lesbian or two rock that hair for a fun evening out...

3. The fact that the only woman in the poster, Rachel "You'll Always Be Regina George to Me" McAdams, is so far in the background and so shaded it's almost like Law and Downey, Jr.'s characters don't want her to be there...?

4. Holmes' suit embellishments. Someone's been watching "Sewing with Nancy"!

5. Downey, Jr. is clearly covering something up with his hand placement there and I think it may be related to the fact that WE CAN'T SEE JUDE'S OTHER HAND!!!

6-INFINITY. The whole thing. Seriously, the poster for "Brokeback Mountain" was straighter.

What do you think? Am I seeing what I want to see or am I seeing what is actually there, ie. one of the gayest movie posters of all time? I think this poster is gonna make me see this stupid movie. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm waiting for "Miss Marple Attacks!"

Now that's gonna be a movie!


Dani said...

You know I totally absolutely mad love you right? RIGHT? Well let me say that this was single handedly the FUNNIEST thing I have ever ready. Even funnier than Pantless Jones. I was laughing out loud at work with no shame. And not a guffaw laugh or a shreak laugh, but think Kathleen Turner laugh.

Where do I begin in that you are SO RIGHT on so MANY LEVELS. SO MANY LEVELS.

May I kindly add -- the leather glove. Who wears leather gloves with a top hat and some sort of whipping device? And why does Robert look so happy, yet Jude look so smug in the post coital ciagarette smoking way?

And for the love of God, if all that you pointed out wasn't gay, then surely the book shelf with artistically arranged things like the falcon and wine bottle is a dead giveaway. That post was one crazy step away from being a Potter Barn add.

It almost wanted to make me a gay man I tell ya.

Junior said...


westernnc said...


First let me wait until the first responders shock you back to life, as it has been so long since I have been able to join in the conversation -

Once upon a time in a land far far away I worked in a video-editing studio where we also created movie posters. Mostly we copied existing posters, simplifying them for display on hotel television menus. But sometimes we had the opportunity to make them from scratch which is when I learned about all the "hidden" enticements which peak the viewers interest.

I would have to agree with you about all the points you made, but I also hasten to point out one other very subtle display which is the shading of the cock and balls on Jude Law. My friends tell me I'm crazy, but if you look closely you can see the outline down his right leg!

Tell me I'm not crazy . . .

Also, you have to know that is a love letter from Holmes to Watson well hidden, scrawled across the background . . .

Allan S. said...

Okay so know imagine Jude in leather gear holding a paddle, and Robert in cuffs with a harness and ballgag. It so easy to overlay that image on the poster. Try it if your dare. Oh and by they are both wearing chaps.

Allan S. said...

BTW doesn't Robert look a bit like Dustin Hoffman in that shot.

Junior said...

See, I knew I wasn't crazy! Thanks Dale for the inside scoop! I knew they put stuff like this in posters to get people to look twice! Oh, and I so see Jude's package now that you pointed it ALL out...

LOL Allan! I think the poster you describe is less gay than this one! And yes, he does look like Dustin Hoffman in that pic... What Dustin Hoffman looks like now, strangely!