Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My Top 5: Favorite Ladies in That Seasonique Commercial That Comes on Every 18 Seconds

Okay, y'all, I have to tell you that I had the idea for this post like way before my well-documented and incredibly inconvenient acute expressive episode last month, and I thought I wouldn't be able to do it because by the time I felt well enough to write, they would stop showing the commercial in question. Oh, how wrong was I...

I don't know about in your area, but in NY, I see the above commercial for that Seasonique birth control about every 18 seconds. It alternates with that other birth control commercial they can't stop remaking and those Cialis commercials with the old guys talking about doing it with their wives who continually stress the sex will happen "when we're both ready." Got it medically-enhanced wiener guys...

Actually, there's a station on my dial that just shows these three commercials along with those incredibly scary Bing.com Internet facts zombie people commercials on continuous loop. Seriously, as an aside, those Bing.com commercials give me nightmares. "Moms who wear jeans to match their teens' jeans" is what you hear before you die. Anyway, while all these commercials can grate your nerves better than a Cuisinart cheese shredder, I've actually grown to love the Seasonique one.

Every time it comes on, it's like a visit from all your favorite girlfriends, sitting down, putting on a fresh pot, and gabbing... about birth control. Because that's normal. Anyway, as I clearly have a problem with ranking everything I encounter, I have actually ranked My Top 5: Favorite Ladies in That Seasonique Commercial. I know. It's like "Sophie's Choice," how could you ever choose between them? Well, I put some thought into it: friendliness, attractiveness, approachability, perkiness of hair, and came up with my choices. Have you seen this commercial? Who are your faves? Wait, before we go there, let me tell you mine...


The Beautiful Half-Black Lady (above)

While her personality doesn't really shine through what with her clearly trapped on the side of a renegade sailboat battling sea drift misting in her eyes and the sun's rays beating down on her, she does get to deliver my favorite line in the commercial "this can be slight, to a flow like a regular period and should decrease over time."

The fact that she manages to describe what could happen to a woman's womanly cycle with such grace gives her points. Plus, she's unhumanly beautiful.


The Tough But Sensitive Older Lady (above)

Now I would think that she wouldn't even need birth control. Not because she doesn't have sex. Oh no, she looks like she's averaging a good four times a week (p.s. she's clearly a top or on top, either or), but I would think that out of sheer will and toughness (p.s.s. she's not even wearing make-up y'all!) she could stop any sperm from reaching her eggs in the first place. That or her eggs would just eat the sperm and keep it moving...

Love her hair. Moving on.


The Diva of the Night (above)

She has no time for babies. She's in the club every night. She's edgy. But beautiful. She's wearing a lipstick color I believe is called "Barracuda Berry." I may or may not be in love with her. The reason why?

Because girlfriend is rocking the turntables like nobody's business!

She's got the cans on... That's the slang they use in the clubs for the headphones: "the cans." I know. I'm so plugged in! I mean, look!

She's not even looking at the floor. She's here for one reason and one reason only. To make you dance. And to not have babies. In that order.


Miss Sasstastic (above)

I'm so glad they chose her for the intro because really who wouldn't stop for those ringlets, that brassy delivery, and the knowledge that girlfriend is not about to have a period every month when there is no medical need for it. Whaaaat?

Please, she's got better things to do. I kinda imagine that all her girlfriends secretly hate her because she can eat whatever she wants and not get fat. But they all come back to her anyway because she's the life of the party. Clearly.


The Everybody's Best Friend (above)

How many people in the room know this girl? Right! I know! I know her too! I think we all do. I think every single person on the face of the earth knows a girl who looks exactly like this. She's good looking but not ostentatious.

She's perky, yet not annoying. If my boyfriend broke up with me, I'd totally call and be like "Sarah, can you believe that sh!t. I mean, we were just talking about getting that timeshare on the Jersey Shore and now this!" And her reply: "Right when I'm finished doing this girl's makeup, I'll be over with some Entenmanns and 'Kate & Leopold.'"

Seriously, I don't even know her and I want to be her BFF like tomorrow.

Now that I just proved that I clearly have too much free brain space devoted to things I see on the TV, I need to know, who's your favorite lady in the Seasonique commercial? Or do you have another secret fantasy friend from the commercials that you just love?

It could be anyone... Like for me, I'll be honest, I'd f#ck the jogging father in that Match.com ad (below) in a heartbeat.

What else does daddy get to do?

And with that I must go...


westernnc said...

Morning Jun!
I want to say welcome back! We missed you.

And I want to be on my best manners this first morning, BUT
I can’t help ranting about the idiocy of these commercials. I just think back to when we DIDN'T HAVE birth control and wonder if it really is such a bother to take a pill every day compared to popping out a baby every nine months! We can be so STUPID! Here, let me take a pill that has more side effect warnings than handling nuclear waste. And by the way, my eyelashes are too short! Let me smear some goo on my eyes because I can probably get along just fine without them if anything goes wrong. If I only had long, luscious lashes and didn't have to be bothered with a period then my life would be complete!

Next they will come up with a pill so you don't have to wipe your a$$, since it is SO inconvenient and nasty. . . "Why be bothered with taking a dump every day when now you can only sh!t once every three months?!"

Makes you wonder how we made it all those years, don't it?

Sam said...

He's fit, he loves Broadway and he pays! What's not to love?

I keep confusing the Seasonique girls with the Nuvoring girls so I can't answer your query.

Junior said...

Oh Dale, I'm not gonna touch that one with a 10-foot pole! Yes, I agree the world is over-medicated but I don't dare comment on a woman's womanly business. I just love the commercial!

LOL Sam! I know! He's perfect! I don't even mind him with a kid.

Wonder Man said...

he is cute

Junior said...

I know right!?

Caligula Sanchez said...

#4 makes me feel weird in a special way like that lesbian firefighter lady did from that Bi Thai lady boy's dating show that was on Mtv a few years back.

Junior said...

OMG. You mean Dani who was the hottest girl/boy that ever lived! Like seriously, however she wanted to have sex, I would have done it with her. No joke.

Caligula Sanchez said...

Me too. I don't know about the semantics, but somebody would end up walking away with an impacted colon