Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

bisexuality

Alright, we're going to school today, everybody! I've noticed that some of you out in the world are still confused about bisexuality and I wanted to take a moment to clear some things up. I am a bisexual man. It's my sexuality. It's who I am. Yet, despite my confidence in and understanding of my sexuality, I have gotten into many a conversation turned argument with people about what bisexuality is and what it isn't. I've had "oh, you're just gay," "you're confused," "you're just scared to tell people you're gay," and much much more hurled at me through the years. Although all gay people have made strides in promoting understanding, bisexuality is still the red-headed step child of the sexualities. Well, not anymore. First, the definition:

bisexuality: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes

Okay, there's a lot to talk about here but I'm gonna try to condense it as much as possible. I'll use bullet points, that seems to work well. And because I find it's easier to talk about what bisexuality isn't than what it is, let's work that way. Ready to have your mind cleared of misconception? Good. And to all those enlightened who know this stuff already, consider this a refresher course.


Bullet Point #1: Bisexuality exists and is not a 50/50 split.

You would not believe how many people A) think there is no such thing as bisexuality and B) think that, to be bisexual, it means you have to like men and women perfectly equally 50/50. Wrong and wronger. We'll use me as an example. I'm bisexual, but I have a stronger attraction to men. You may think that makes me gay, but notice the definition: "direct sexual desire to both sexes." I do direct desire toward women, just not as much as I do men. But it's still there and I won't deny it, as many would like.

Think of it this way. I calculate my attraction as a ratio: 70/30, which means that I like men 70% of the time and I like women 30% of the time.

That means if a man walks up to me, 70% of the time I will find him attractive. If it's a woman: then 30% of the time, I would find her attractive. Or think of it like this. If there's a room with 200 people in it, 100 men and 100 women, and someone asks me to go inside and pick 100 people I'm attracted to, I would most likely pick out 70 men and 30 women. Make sense? My whole point is that as long as you harbor some strong consistent sexual attraction (I'm not talking thinking some woman looks fierce... I'm talking about wanting to get into naughty bits and such) for both sexes, than you're bisexual, even if the attraction to one sex isn't as strong as your attraction for the other. Which leads to my next point...

#2: Bisexuality is not confusion, nor is it constant swapping

I am in no way confused. I have known I was attracted to both genders in varying levels since I was 9 years old. After a few years of self-searching, I realized that bisexual was the best label for me (although I think all our labels are limiting). I made that decision at 16. No muss. No fuss. There are still people who think bisexuality means constantly being unsure about who you're attracted to. No. I like everyone. I've always liked men a little more, but trust me there are days when I've seen a woman and been completely bowled over. Like with Beyoncé (below). Hi Bey. You look pretty today.

I don't talk about it much, I don't know why, but there have been a few girls who have broken old Junior's heart. Catalina knows who she is. Oops, I wasn't supposed to type that. Nor was I supposed to type the fact that she started dating my friend when she knew I liked her. Sorry, that was another mistake.

But I like men more, and I'm perfectly content to only be with men. See, that's the other misconception people have. Bisexuality is solely based on who you're attracted to. You don't have to prove your bisexuality by dating man than woman than man than... We're not going to take away your Bisexuality Card if you stay with one gender.

#3: Bisexuality is not a choice, for people scared to say they're gay, or a way to be separate from only gay people

Okay, for my last point, we're getting to my biggest pet peeve. First, the idea that bisexuality is a choice. While it may seem like people, especially women, are just going bi because it's cool, most of them aren't really bi, they're doing it for the attention of the other sex. Because true bisexuality is not a choice, just like no other sexuality. Now for the "gay" stuff. Okay, deep breath...


Are there people who say they're bisexual when they have no attraction to the opposite sex but are saying that just so they don't have to tell people they're gay? Of course there are, just like there are people who say they're straight when they're gay because they're scared. But not all bisexual people are liars, and bisexual doesn't automatically mean that they're really only gay...

But I wanted to wrap up by talking to my bisexual brethren for a minute, and it's about the use of the word gay. I was once out at a gay club when I heard this girl say something about how everyone she knew was gay. Then, her friend, another girl, screamed "I'm bisexual!" as if that magically separated her from the pack. No, wrong again. Bisexual people, guess what, we're gay.

Just because we happen to be attracted to members of the opposite sex doesn't mean we're any less gay than a gay person who is attracted to the same sex 100%. We're the same. Confused? I'll use an analogy. Let's say that being gay is like being Canadian, bisexual is like being from Toronto, and being straight is being from the United States.

When you're in Canada and you ask a Canadian where they're from they might say "Toronto." But when you ask a Canadian where they're from when they're in the United States, they'll usually say they're from "Canada." Get it? In the gay world, bisexual sets us a little apart from our gay brothers and sisters and lets them know that we are proud of our entire sexual orientation. But in the overall world, we're gay, our bisexuality doesn't one-up us over gay people. I don't care if you're married to someone of the opposite sex, have six kids and a houseboat in Boca, if you see someone of the same sex and want to put their reproductives in your mouth, then you're gay! Oh, and we're not promiscuous, wanted to add that...

Anyway, when I'm at a rally or party or the supermarket and someone screams "All my gays make some noise!" I scream just as loud as everyone else. Because while I'm proud to be bisexual and wanted to make sure people understood what that meant, I'm more proud to be a part of the gay community... And now I'm crying... Because they accept and love everyone for who they are...


And that's what Gay Pride Week is all about! Okay, are you bisexal? Do you know any bisexual people (besides me)? Do you have any preconceived notions or misconceptions about bisexuality that I can clear up? Like you think we all want threesomes (not true) or that we are all probably a little bisexual (true).

Would you like me to explain what it feels like to be rejected by members of both genders (not fun)? You resident bi guy is here! Just ask away!

(p.s. this word and tons more like it are always in The Junior Glossary!)