Juice with Junior

In 1983, Disney released an album of music entitled "Mickey Mouse's Splashdance," with one song on that album named "Digital Duck," which chronicled the character of Donald Duck and his love of electronics. I would like to take a moment to quote the beginning of that song...

"Gizmos and gadgets/Electric devices/A microwave blender that cuts, chops, and dices/Chocolate detectors/Alarms that go "BOOM!"/Donald has dozens in every room/He's a di-di-di-di-digital duck (That's me!)/A di-di-di-di-digital duck (oh boy, oh boy!)/Donald loves his gadgets even though they run amok/He's a di-di-di-di-digital duck"

...So poignant, so true. Now, who knew that nearly 21 years later, the words in that song would come to describe the very person who still has the song on his iPod and who listens to it every so often... me. Yes, I am a Digital Duck.

A di-di-di-di-digital duck.

You have to understand that I LOVE electronics. The more crap they can do at the same time the better. The thicker the instruction monual, the happier I am.

Sure I care about whether it improves my life, but can it light up and make noises while it does that because flashing lights and noises are cool.

I love me some gadgets. Which is why I have to pat myself on the back because people, I haven't purchased a single electronic device in more than 3 years! THREE YEARS!

Instead I devoted that money to more worthy causes like fixing the car that still hates me. And trust me, there have been plenty of little blinking boxes that I have wanted to add to my blinking boxes collection, which brings us to today's missive about all the electronics that I want, but can't yet just pick up and purchase at will. I mean I could, but then I'd be the old lady that lived in her iPod Touch (right), which is crazy because you can't live in an iPod Touch!

Do you see the distinction?

Plus, I figure that if I just make a list of all the junk I want now, some rich, devastatingly handsome 6'2" 195-pound sugar daddy will stumble onto the blog, fall madly in love with my profile picture, track me down, sweep me into his arms and say "Do you want those things, Junior? Will having those things make you happy? Well, damnit Junior, those things you shall have!" And he will gently lay me down on the Egyptian cotton sheets covering his bed in his Manhattan penthouse apartment where we will make love... *Cough* Sorry, that took a turn, didn't it?

Let's ignore that and focus on my wish list...


Now the first thing on my list you see me clutching onto like a madman at the very top of the post and above is the HP TouchSmart IQ800t All in One PC. Isn't it pretty? It has touchscreen (!) 25" display, 4 gigs of memory, 500 gigs of hard drive space which will be perfect for storing my Internet porn personal entertainment videos, and you can even hook it up to your cable line and use it as your TV! And it has Minesweeper! MINESWEEPER, y'all! Squee!

There's one at my local Staples and in my excitement, I managed to detach the security tag and send an ear-piercing alarm through the entire store.

The 23-year-old store manager Cutie McCute Cute (real name=Gary) had to replug it and remind me not to get physical with the merch. Look at it! How could you not?! You may be thinking "Junior, just buy the darned thing and shut your trap about it" and I would, there's just one thing in my way...


Riiiight. But they do offer financing, which means I could pay some now and continue... for the rest of my life. Not an option I can presently entertain.

But what's this! Development!


It's the HP Mini 1000 XP Edition Laptop (above)!

At a reasonably affordable price! But before you think I've traded in my touchscreen PC dreams for a Mini Laptop, you have to know that I really want both of them. See, I have this vision of me meandering through the West Village, sipping a green tea, when a thought comes to me, perhaps another Shirtless Jones sequel, when I take out my Mini Laptop sit on a park bench and write 'til my heart's content.

Did I mention I'm wearing a scarf in this dream of mine? And a monocle.

Yes, I know. I'll never actually do this, and my fantasy says nothing of the me spilling my tea on the laptop/getting mugged/never remembering to charge it for my day out or any of the other numerous things that will most likely go wrong, but I still want it so much. Because it's little. And how great would it be to watch personal entertainment videos on it while in bed? Wow, I need a boyfriend.

Moving on.

Alright, we all know that my love of the iPod Touch has not waned. I still want the thing desperately, but will not pay $500 (!) for 32 gigs. No way no how! But there's something else small that I really want and it surprises me...


The Nintendo DS (above)! I know, I'm just as surprised as you.

I never play video games anymore. The last time I played a video game seriously was when I had put the quarters in the telescope to see the code written on the side of the house in Maniac Mansion (does anyone get/remember that reference?) so you can better believe that when I played my bestie's DS for three hours that I was hooked!

I was playing some game where you try to find as many words as possible from a group of letters and I was whipping that stylus around like nobody's business. Now out of all my items on my incredibly implausible list, I think I'll actually get this one the soonest. My bestie even offered to buy me my first game (so I'll stop playing hers)! I found it at Target for mad cheap so I may be making a purchase soon...

Now there are some more things I'd like to have since we're making a list an all. I'd love a white Mac Book because they're so sleek and stylish. Yes, another computer! What can I say? I have a lot of personal entertainment videos!

I would also love a digital SLR camera. I used one when I was a photographer for my college paper (my first professional newspaper job didn't trust me the big equipment) and I think it's evident that I stop taking all my pictures with my cell phone camera, although it is clearly so good... NOT! But I was recently in my Staples and saw a...

Sony MHS-CM1 Webbie HD Camcorder (below)!!!!


For 179! Holy crap guys I'm soooo buying this!!! Do you understand that if I had a portable HD video camera in my bag all the time, I would literally have so many videos on the blog it would be INSANE!

Want, Want, WANT! Gimme, Gimme, GIMME!!!

Okay, that's my list (so far) of all the stuff that I could of course do without but that I want more than anything in the whole wide world please buy it for me you will thanks love you forever! Alright, Question Time...

Are there any pieces of electronic equipment that you don't have but you are dying before? What's on your gadget wish list? And what's that thing that's so extravagant that you know you'll never really be able to afford it but you want it anyway?

And you'll all be glad to know that I so don't want the Amazon Kindle anymore. Who needs reading when I'm gonna buy a video camera! This blog is about to go digital! Di-di-di-digital!

Oh, and will you guys cosign on my buying the touchscreen computer if all I really want to do is play touchscreen minesweeper?


I'll take whatever you say to mean "Yes"!