It's time for another Question to the World, and as usual, this question stems from something that always happens in my life and I'd like to know if it happens to other people and what they think.
I was recently out with a bestie and we were discussing what stuff we wanted to do over the summer. My list was exhaustive: I want to see "Hair on Broadway," I would like to see Phoenix and Passion Pit in concert. Plus, I have to try to see Ivri Lider and Kylie Minogue when they come to the US for their first North American tours ever. Wow, I'd actually like to do a lot this summer. And a lot of the things I wanted to do, my bestie doesn't really want to do, but she'd come along and pay her way because she trusts my judgment that it'll be a fun time.
And that got me thinking about friends and doing stuff with them.
See, I think you guys have noticed that I have a... strong personality. Some would say "b!tch" (not to my face) but really it's just that I tend to have very strong opinions about things and like to have things go my way. It's not that I want to control everything, it's just that I know if I "control" it, whatever that means, things will run smoothly and we'll have fun. That's all.
It's just too many times I've been out when someone else has made the plans and no one knows where we're going, how to get there, what's happening after, etc. However, this taking control comes at a price: me hunched over the computer looking up movie times, nearby restaurants, other diversions, and to be honest with you... I HATE IT! I HATE PLANNING!
Just once, I'd like to be a take-along person. I dream of this. What's a take-along person? A take-along person is that person who gets called AFTER all the plans get made and your friends are looking for another fun person to "take along." Every group of friends has one. That person who just makes a trip to the movies or bowling or just a night at the bar more fun. They get the call at the last minute and say "Sure, just pick me up!"
Seriously. I have dreams about being a take-along person...
But every time I get a call about going out for the night (which, trust me, doesn't happen that often at all), it inevitably sounds like this:
Me: "Hello."
Them: "Hey, I'm bored. Wanna go out and do something tonight?"
Me: "Sure. What did you have in mind?"
Them: "I dunno."
Me: "You didn't think of anything? [Pause] Because I'm up for anything. Whatever you wanted is fine with me... I'll just tag along. Hang. Out."
Them: "But you always have ideas..."
Me: "I know, but tonight is all you. I'll go wherever for whatever you decide..."
Them: "It's just that you're so particular and I don't want to pick something that you aren't gonna like or a place to eat with food you don't like. And your stomach is so sensitive, you don't eat certain things. And you have... opinions... a lot so I don't want to..."
Me: "But I'm telling you that I just want to tag along. Tag. Along. I'll just try to find something I enjoy in whatever you choose. So what do you want to do?"
Them: [Silence]
Me (dejected): You wanna play pool at the new place? They're open until 1, I think, but I'll have to check their website. And TGI Friday's is nearby...
Them: You always have the best ideas! Pick me up?
And do even get me started on the times I have tagged along and ended up getting into fights with people because my opinion was solicited when I expressly told them not to solicit my opinion. Which becomes a way of controlling people all by itself. See my dilemma!
That's why I need to know:
Are you a make-the-plans person or a take-along person?
And no I don't have any ideas about how to end this post. No, I'll do whatever you want. No you decide. YOU DECIDE! No, I won't veto it! PROMISE!
Quote of the Day
1 day ago
16 comments:
I'm (un)lucky enough to be both. I quite often am the "Make The Plans" person, or sometimes the "Offer Suggestion, Someone Else Takes Over The Plans, They Can't Do It Anymore And Give Plans Back To Me" person. Also, "Person Who Makes Plans, Then Everyone Bails At Last Minute" person.
Which is why I do enjoy being the "Take Along" person. Like tonight, I get to go Kareoke and meet a couple of friends, no planning involved on my end. I loves it. And this group isn't the ones that you show up, and nobody knows what we're doing, when we're doing it or how long we'll be there. In those cases, I'd much rather be the "Make The Plans" guy.
Phoenix new Cd is the bomb btw
Hi Paul! I was a little worried that no one would understand what I was trying to say, but you get it perfectly! I have SO been the "Make the Plans, Everyone Bails" person!
I HATE THAT! It's like you get a taste in your mouth and everyone lets you down. Ooh and you're going out tonight too! I love/am jealous of you right now! I so wish I was a "take-along" person, but it NEVER HAPPENS!
I'm not making this up. One time an (ex)friend called me and said "Want to take a drive?" and I said "Sure." I spent 4 hours in his car while he stalked a guy he wanted to date. I HATE MY LIFE!
Hi Wonder Man! I know, but I must see them live because they sound so good live!
I'm a Pisces, so I flow pretty well between both roles. I'm gifted that way. I tend to piss my friends off by being flakey, and canceling on them! Oh god, I know Jun. Bad Allan. However, when I do show up for life. I tend to have a good time.
If I had to pick the type of person I am. I would say I do like being the make-the-plans guy. Just ask Marcos. I'm always looking for something to do, and when I see something cute, I rally the troops.
I'm quite often the setup and shatter person. I get the call or email of
them: Hey i'm thinking of going camping, shopping, for a meal, to the porn awards etc, what are you up to tomorrow, later, tonight next week?
me:Oh I didn't have plans, nothing right now, I'm free etc
them: Well good cuz I was hoping you look after my cat, apartment, cleaning lady, leaking toilet etc.
Otherwise it's usually up to me to plan the activities. I especially hate it when they call me and ask me out first then throw in :so what do you want to do?" If you hadnt had an idea already what makes you want to ask someone for their time. The real statement should be" I'm bored and lazy, entertain me"
Hey Allan! I have to do this for all those who have made plans and been canceled on... Bad Allan! Actually, I don't mind being canceled on, it's just do it as I'm making plans. Not when I'm already in my car, which has so happened!
But I can tell that you're a good person rallyer! You're always bringing people together even in the blogosphere.
And hi ermine! Can I ask Are you living my life!? Seriously, both of those scenarios happen to me CONSTANTLY! Every trip my parents take ends with "And we want you to... watch the dog." Ugh!
And I hate it when you got all dressed up, you run down to your friend's car, sit down and they look at you and say "what do you want to do." It's like way to waste time of my life!
I actually painfully ended a friendship because of the syndrome. He lived thru me vicariously and when I needed him to be the fun one or the one to bring the excitement when I was goign thru a rough period I was told I was a drag to be around. D-bag A-hole.
Maybe I'm your parallel cousin from the north. Ooo I smell a twilight zone episode/Ingmar Bergman film, where we switch places and no one notices and then at the end we picnic with the baby Jesus. Altho I am convinced that your life is way more exciting than mine. Maybe it's because you ride the subway.
LOL! ermine, you need to stop! But you are kinda right? The subway is very excited. Did I tell you the story about the masturbating insane woman at 231st street? Anyway...
And I am not joking when I say this, we are living the same life! I too had a long-term friendship end badly because my friend was just living through me (I got a whiff of "Mean Girls": It's like you're in love with me!). After awhile he wouldn't even talk when we were on the phone, because "you always have better stories." WHA!
Oh you guys!
I can't hold back any longer!!
I thought I could, but I'm weak. And I don't have time to elaborate, so:
Ditto
there
I said it!
LOL Dale!
I second your "Ditto" and raise you a "And how!"
Hahaha! Is the diddlin' crazy lady a true story? Sounds gross enough that it's needs telling.
I'll start, years ago when I took myself out to see a summer matinee of Halloween 6, I arrived a few minutes into it and couldn't see so I just sat at the back. There was a guy who kept giggling low during the violent scenes. After my eyes adjusted to the dark I realized he was also toying with his couscous! And wearing lycra shorts!! Free-kee.
The crazy masturbating lady at 231st street story is much less interesting. I was on the subway and there weren't too many people on and I hear this "nawh, nawh, nawh" sound like an animal or something.
Then I look over and this lady, clearly homeless, clearly touched in the head, has her hands all down in her track pants and she's sliding off the seat onto the floor. It was sad and hilarious and sad all at the same time.
I was sitting next to this businesswoman I didn't know and we literally looked at each other, gave each other a look, and got out of our seats and walked to another train car at the same time. I think I held the train car door for the businesswoman while she whispered "New York."
And sorry, my last comment had so many errors in it, I'm surprised you even understood it.
That does sound sadly funny, I like the dramatic sitcom exit :) At least she wasn't saying NOM NOM NOM while doing it
Oh I am the King of filling in the blanks and getting the jist. I have to do it everyday.
OK, good. The reason I'm more error prone is because I broke my glasses so I really can't see much of anything anymore. Woe is me.
Ok...so I'm late on posting. But just thinking about this and all scenarios listed above is unleashing a bitch beast that I tried to bury deep inside me.
In additon to the above, I am the following:
Make the Plans Girl
Revise the Plans to accomodate everyone's schedule girl.
Make the last minute revised plans when some of the d**** b** friends bail on already revised plans girl.
Kaibosh the discussion and make the decision on what to do when we spontanously get together and noone has a plan and we spend 20 minutes discussing what to do girl
Sits at home when after all that planning the plans get cancelled because of some unknown forgotton obligation girl
*Dani curls in a corner and cries now*.
Oh no Dani! I totally get what you're saying because all that has happened to me in the past, but I just find a movie or something, pop some popcorn and just ignore all those dumb dumbs you couldn't get it together to go out!
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