Juice with Junior

Oh, I'm tearing up a little because this is our final recap for the first season of "RuPaul's Drag Race" on Logo! I just wanted to thank you guys for voting for the show to be recapped it was a lot of fun and I hope that you liked my (trying really hard to be) witty observations. Sorry, I'm so late with this recap!

Before we get to the reunion show, I just realized that I completely forgot to talk about the recap show that aired last week. Well, there wasn't really much there that we didn't talk about already, but I did have one fave moment.

I loved when they showed all the fabulous dresses that RuPaul (right) wore at the judging and then, with Santino sitting at her side, they revealed the designer of all those great dresses.

And it was not Santino. Not a single dress. Awkward! I would think that Santino would have designed at least one dress, but I guess he's in the business of making queens feel bad.

But we'll get to that in a moment. Alright, time to break down the hot mess that was the "Drag Race" reunion show, and I have to tell you right now, if you haven't watched it, go here and watch it now. It was AMAZING! Seriously, there was so much that I decided that we should do the recap in pictures because I'd be typing forever if we did it in words. Alright, what picture to start with first...?


Well, I think we have to start with this set which was like something straight out of the "Twilight Zone" it was so dark and ominous. I think it was the same set they do "Breaking the Magician's Code" from; it looks like a place where illusions occur.

Anyway, after Ru makes her introductions, we are presented with the first four beauties kicked off the show, starting with Victoria Parker who I didn't realize was actually accepting the nickname "Pork Chop."

I would be kicking b!tches in the face if someone called me that!


Then, Tammie Brown (above) showed up and modeled the latest in forehead fashion. Oh, Tammie Brown. Of all the Tammie Browns, you're the Tammie Browniest...

After, Tammie, the (other) girl everyone loves to hate Akashia showed up in a barely-there getup (below).


I'm starting to think that all reality shows are contractually obligated to have one black girl who acts as the B!tch on the show. Discuss.

And then there's Jade.

So far, so good. We're talking a 'bout Akashia's difficulties growing up, the show's a little very special Oprah, but it's not off the hook. So what's next?


Okay, Jade (above) has opened the can of worms: "Are we talking about Rebecca, because we can talk about Rebecca." And no Jade wasn't talking about the classic Daphne du Maurier novel, she was referring to Rebecca Glasscock.

But we still aren't quite at the ridiculousness yet!

But everyone shut it! Here comes... Ongina (below)!


LOOKING FIERCE!

And then we had Shannel (below), who while not looking extra glam, was working a kind of realness that I found interesting...


Basically, every secretary at my mother school looks like this on any given day.

And then there's Rebecca. Over it!

So the girls sat down and of course attention turned straight to Ongina because she is so captivating that I'm surprised her aura didn't suck everyone into it like a vortex. Actually, that's how Ongina subsists: less amazing people and glitter.


Alright, do you feel it yet? It's coming! What I call...


Oh it was so good. There was so much that I can't even distill it all. I'll just print some of my fave lines. Use them liberally in your next fight...

"I didn't lose to you, I just want you to know that."
"I hate how you talk and how you act."
"You were led to believe your sh!t don't stink!"
"I am not jealous of you, for the record, I am not jealous of you..."

For bonus points, tell me who said what and to whom each statement was directed (Hint: They were all directed at Rebecca). OMG. There's so much drama, that I need something bubbly and refreshing to take my mind off all this...


NINA (above), you're here! I'm so glad, things were getting all kinds of rife around here. Can we go to the mall? I need to stop in Forever 21 because would you believe I lost one of my silver bangles on the bus! I know, right? What, oh, you have to do a reunion show... Oh, go ahead. I'll catch you later!

And now, with absolutely no fan fare (seriously Ru, we could have dimmed the lights or something, she is THE WINNER!), here is Bebe Zahara Benet (below), winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race"!


Oh and by the way, I don't know if you guys know this but the music she walked out to is from Ru's new album called "Champion" available on iTunes. If only there was someone on the show saying it every 45 seconds, I don't know how you'd learn that information. Hmmm...

So the show was progressing nicely until Ru decided, nope we haven't sh!tted on Rebecca as much as we could have. Show of hands, who thought Rebecca shouldn't have been in the top three or even, I don't know, on the planet...



Now some of you may be like, "Junior, it sounds like you're sympathizing with Rebecca." Here's the deal. The show is over. During the reunion, Bebe was already getting packed for her Tour of the Gay. There was no reason to keep harping on one person when their actions cannot be...

Wait, what's this? Can it be!


Oh, it's too beautiful. Look away! LOOK AWAY! I'm so crying my eyes out over here. Not because Jade and Rebecca kissed and made up. But because Jade didn't take the opportunity to pull her wig off when she clearly had the chance. Keeping yourself from snatching a wig. It's a good thing...

Okay, the show was moving along fine, we found out that Shannel not only purposefully jumped to remove her headpiece when Lip Synching for Her Life that one time, but also that she shaves her a$$ every other day.

Thanks for that, Shannel. Anyway, you prolly thought "There's no way they can cram any more drama into the show". That is until...


Santino and Merle Ginsberg (above) showed up. Oh my goodness gracious. Where to begin? Okay, both Shannel and Tammie had MAJOR problems with Santino! Shannel (below) blamed him for her leaving and everything else.




And Tammie (above) made a good point about feeding into the negativity that already surrounds the drag world. But I also think Ru made a good point in that the girls need to take that negativity and grow from it and be better.

Then Tammie shot herself in the foot by blaming Santino for making fun of her, ruining her credibility. Or maybe she's right... That is why I would like to take the time to point out other things Santino is to blame for...


The crisis in Darfur.


The overflowing river in Fargo, ND.


And the global economic meltdown.

Wow, Tammie and Shannel are right. Santino needs to be stopped!

And so it was around this time that Ru had had enough. These girls weren't getting it. They were complaining way too much. Someone had to do something. Now because the video of what happened next hasn't made its way onto YouTube yet, I've substituted the next best thing...



"When my mother yells at me, it's because she loves me!"

Oh and Tammie's "excuse your mouth" was priceless.

But I do have a problem with Ru's argument a little. I'm sorry, but if I see something and I think that it's not right: your hair's a little off, or your dress is a little cheap, and other people agree with me, then you need to REEVALUATE!

Not all people who criticize you are trying to tear you down!


But in the end, the argument was settled and Nina won Miss Congeniality (above) and she won a trip to Las Vegas and $1,500! Nina, can I come!?

And lastly, there was a DANCE PARTY!


Which is really how every show should end its season!

Now what did you think about the reunion show? Or the whole season in general? Are you gonna have "Drag Race" withdrawal since the show won't be back until next year!? Do talk and remember, if you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else! Can Ru get an AMEN!?

And here's something to hold you over until next season...



Thanks Wonder Man for uploading!

C'ya!