Juice with Junior

Hello dragnistas out there! Welcome to my second recap for "RuPaul's Drag Race" on Logo! This recap covers episode 3, which aired last week, and episode 4, which aired this week. Look at you, two "Drag Race" recaps in one week (read the last one here). Aren't you lucky?

Guess, what? You know what else you're lucky for? I have nothing to cover before hand so we can get straight to RECAP RECAP RECAP!!! Whoo! Wait, actually I do have to say one thing. With these two episodes... I mean...

Is it just me or has "Drag Race" surpassed "great" show and taken its place as "greatest" show?! Seriously, the past two weeks have been a one-two punch of humor, sassiness, emotion, glam, and drama! We may have a Best Show Ever on our hands...

Alright, onto episode 3 (which you can watch in its entirety here)... The episode starts off with the gals being sad that Tammie Brown (right) is no longer of this earth (earth=show) and Shannel, who even if she gets kicked off must stay on the show for sheer drama factor, proceeds to really hammer it home that she not only liked Tammie but that Tammie brought an energy that can't be duplicated, a "quirkyness," that certain something...

Of course, Shannel says all this in front of Akashia who was thisclose to going home instead of Tammie (again, Tammie had a moral objection to breaking the dawn and chose to forfeit), and due to this veiled shade, Akashia makes this face...


...If I could bottle it and sell it on the roadside, I would. Movesies onsies.

Alright, so the challenge for this episode kinda surprised me. When Professor RuPaul showed up and started asking questions with answers like "Chicago" and "Gale," I seriously didn't get it. Because I'm slow.

But it was revealed that the ladies would be taking their inspiration for this challenge from media empire building, fat loss having trouble withing, haver of favorite things, Oprah (below)!


Now, having seen the whole episode, I get why they chose Oprah, but when I was first watching, I was a little flummoxed. Listen, I love Oprah. I like to poke fun at her sometimes, but I love her. However, Oprah hasn't really had the best track record when it comes to loving all things gay.

Remember when she had the cast of "Brokeback Mountain" (left) on her show and she basically spent 45 minutes reducing the plot of the movie down to being about what happens when men leave their wives for other men.

I know peeps was whispering in her ear, "It's a love story, Queen Oprah, a love story!" But she wasn't having any of it. She's since had more positive shows about gay identity, but they are few and faaaaaaaaaaaaaar in between. Regardless, Ru clearly loves her and so she was to be the inspiration.... OMG! Jade (below), what in heavens name are you doing?!!!!



A tribute to Oprah is not a time to break out the blackface. We're not talking Whoopi Goldberg here! Thankfully, Shannel (above) pulls Miss Jade aside gives him the 411: it's just inspiration my dear, not imitation.

Of course, Shannel's own cackle drowns out most of her words, but her message is still understood. Anyway, I realize something around now. Akashia's been in the bottom two for the past two episodes and now we're...


...We're not talking about Shannel's outfit (above)... Um, so we're learning about how Akashia was kicked out of her home for being gay and took...


I said WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SHANNEL'S OUTFIT (above)! You know what, let's call the whole thing off and move on. So the challenge was to present the news like Oprah did in her heyday, pitch a product like her Favorite Things, and interview some celebs! Who are these celebs, I wonder?!

I can't wait...


...Oh, hi Tori. And Dean (above). What's up? Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before the "celeb" interview, the girls did the news thing and the best (of course) were Ongina, who actually took the time to look like a newscaster, and Nina (below), who made me laugh so hard I was on the floor.


Before you label me mean, I wasn't laughing over her accent. She sounded fine. I was laughing over this 80s perm and coffee-colored chinchilla coat she was rocking. I mean if that's what your newscaster looked like, wouldn't you watch everyday?

I'd watch twice a day.

Then, the girls went onto shilling products and again, the two I loved the most were Ongina and Nina ("you just plug it in and blow").

As always, I felt that Rebecca Glasscock tries too hard to be perfect, and that Shannel was a bit all over the place. Finally, we get to the Big Interview with Tori and Dean.

I want to stop here because I know people hate on Tori Spelling and her insistence that she's a gay icon (sorry hunny, we just inducted Brandy and Kelly Clarkson, you'll have to wait), but I love her.

She was in "The House of Yes" and "Trick" (below; NSFW)...



...And because her shortlived VH1 show "So NoTORIous" was hiLARious!

Onto the interviews, I loved Bebe, Nina (even after the "hit TV show/HIV" gaffe), and of course ONGINA (below)!


Akashia didn't even bother to get up with Tori and Dean came in and Shannel, after Tori said that her daughter was "amazing," asked Tori "Is she amazing?" like she almost wanted to trap her in a lie. Oh Shannel, we're still not talking about your outfit. We also aren't talking about Dean (below) working the runway with painted toenails.


Let's talk about the judging then. You know what we always do before we get to the judging. Check how in love Santino (below) is with RuPaul this episode...


Looks to be a nice comfortable level. OHH! I almost forgot! As if "Drag Race" we're already the Best Show Ever, Ru upped the ante by inviting MADtv's Debra Wilson (below) on the show!


Love her!!!

Onto the judging, this episode the girls got to wear their own drag creations which turned the show into a "Miss America" from 1976, which was fabulous! Plus the judges talked through the whole thing, which was the best! Anyway, Bebe and Nina (below, left to right) worked it out...


...But Bebe put one more wig on her head than was necessary and she won (Debra called her "ChakaDianaTinatheLion")! I love Bebe, she is totally my girl. Onto the bad, Akashia fell on her bootaytay (it's my new favorite word), which was like strike three for her this episode. She ended up in the bottom two with Shannel who decided to dress like what a baby between Swamp Thing and Elvira would look like. Do I have to mention we're not talking about it.

Long story short, they lip synched to "The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston (why couldn't they get Debra [left] on that stage to do her Whitney!?) and during the perf, Shannel's head piece fell off, thus revealing the humanity the judges said she was lacking.

Once the judges started clapping, you knew it was all over for Akashia. BYE AKASHIA, you hot mess! Whew. That was all in one episode.

We have one more, ready?

Okay, episode 4 (which you can watch in full here). I'm actually gonna skip ahead a little bit (but did you know what "ki ki" meant? I never knew!) and start with the fact that Shannel didn't win the make-up challenege.

Oh, so the girls had to do each others faces to win a prize and Shannel's was clearly the best (she did Ongina) but Jade won. at first I was suspicious, thinking they were pulling that old "Project Runway" trick of not rewarding the best person, but then I found out what the prize was: Jade would have extra time to work on a commercial for MAC Viva Glam makeup, the proceeds of which support HIV/AIDS support programs.

You know how I know this?

Because a nice little man from the MAC company came to the set (below, I think his name was like Charles Chandelier or something) and told me. He also referred to our lovely ladies as "guys," which made some in the group wince...



The reason I understood why Jade won the challenge is because I think Ru was trying to give the weak-performing Jade a little boost, and I was glad because I like her. She's like people I grew up with, plus she's adorbs (below)...


Oh sorry, anyway, can we talk about those commercials the ladies shot for MAC. FABULOUS!!! I'm running out of time so let's just talk about my faves. NINA!!!

My favorite part of Nina's shoot was when Ru told her she had some time left after she finished the serious business of talking about HIV/AIDS, so she looked at Ru's man servants and said "Let's model!" (below).


And she turned the thing into the fiercest dance party modeling session ever!

Bebe's commercial was so heartfelt and her being from Cameroon, HIV is such an epidemic all over Africa, it's insane. And there's so many myths and untruths that need to be cleared up. I think Bebe would be a wonderful spokeslady for that issue. And need we mention how great Ongina's commercial was (below)!

It was so the best one...


THE BALLOONS! THAT SMILE! THOSE BOYS! THEIR BICEPNESS! THE LIPSTICK!

It was literally a perfect read-to-air commercial if there ever was one!

As for the bad, well, Rebecca Glasscock. Rebecca. Glasscock. I believe that she knows someone with HIV and I believe she is upset by that, but I also believe that she got scared that she would suck and decided to gather some sympathy. I'm sorry; I've cried over things and tears never sound like that. Jade was OK, but still not as polished as I would have liked. And Shannel basically did what she does best. Talk.

It wasn't good. Oh well.

Let's go straight to the judging! Outfits we're loving:


ONGINA!!!!!!!!!!! O to the N to the GINA!!!! (above)


AND BEBE!!! (above)

Oh and how much was Santino loving Ru this episode (below)?


A LOT! Oh and Jenny Shimizu was there! Love her too! How many times can I say I love something in one show? Are you getting an idea of why I love this show so much?! Because if you didn't, I'll tell you... Who didn't I like?

For the first time ever, Nina's outfit (left) was weak, and Jade still was not bringing the heat (plus when Ru refers to your tuck as "There are still snakes on this muthaf#cking plane!" it's never good).

Alright, now here is the moment of truth... When the judging was over, Ru looked out onto the girls and announced that, as I expected, Ongina won. I didn't expect what happened next. So Ongina collapsed on the ground crying after she was named the winnah and I thought she was just happy to win the challenge (which included the prize of actually being a MAC Viva Glam girl!)

But then, she peaked out through her tears, lifted her body up, and announced to the world that she has been living with HIV for the past two years and that "you have to celebrate life, and you keep going."


It was this moment that lifted "Drag Race" from a great show to one of the greatest shows EVER! And it was also at this moment that Ongina went from being a contestant on a reality show to being...


...QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!!

Listen, unfortunately lots of people have HIV, so when I find out someone has the virus, I don't pity them or wish them good health or say I'm praying for them or anything condescending like that. The HIV diagnosis is a time for being positive and looking toward the future.

And that's why Ongina is now Queen of the World, not because she has HIV, but because she chose to celebrate life, fun, spirit, and heart in both her commercial and in her life. I LOVE YOU, ONGINA! CALL ME! NO SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO HANG OUT! Did you get that Ongina dear??

What? I'm sorry. There's more show left. Oh, let me get to it.

So after Ongina's wonderful moment, Jade and Rebecca Glasscock, who's "known for" her beauty were in the bottom two. And as I watched, I thought "why do I only see one person?" Kidding. I know they're two separate people?


Right? Anyway, this lip synch for your life was pointless as the panel and Ru already decided that Jade hadn't grown enough to stay on the show. It was kinda rude as Rebecca didn't really do anything and Jade did a split (above)...

...COME ON! She's doing splits and you still send her home! Are you kidding? I agree with Jade, "This is f#cking bullsh!t"! But over time, I became OK with it because her tuck was never proper and her style wasn't honed yet.

Give Miss Jade another few years and she'll come back like Chi Chi Rodriguez at the end of "Too Wong Foo..." (below).


It always comes back to "To Wong Foo..." for me.

Alright everyone, that's all she wrote for me! I'll be back in TWO WEEKS to recap the next two episodes. Feel free to leave your thoughts about these two amazing hours of television, Ongina or any of the contestants, or the fact that Ru has become a supporting character on her own show! C'ya lates!