Monday, January 26, 2009

Question to the World: What Kind of Prostie Are You?

This is kind of an open-ended question; I've been trying to do that more so you guys can chew over a topic while I'm off managing my life poorly.

Speaking of poor decisions, I was thinking recently about the times we live in and how it seems that money has become so important, even moreso than usual. The economy is in dire straits, stores are closing left and right, unemployment is crazy high, no one has healthcare or can afford it. It's crazy.

You know what else is crazy: if you have money, not even a whole lot of money, none of this matters. Isn't that crazy? I mean the concept itself, that this intangible thing we call money may not make you happy but will definitely remove so many of the constraints that plague people in every day life. Well, one day I was having this kind of conversation with my bestie La, and we were talking about what we would do if we were in the position of just having money, not Oprah money, just enough money to be comfortable.

Of course, the question came up of how we gonna get this money. And since I usually think of two things most of the time: sex and money, naturally I thought "Let's be prosties!" But this idea does come with a disclaimer.

As prostitution is illegal in most places and is fraught with danger, drugs, sexual abuse, and numerous other dangers, understand that I don't take being a prostie lightly. It should be something no one does. But... they don't call it the world's oldest profession for nothing. There are people out there makin' money as prosties, all different kinds of prosties, not just street walkers.


You do have street walkers, but you also have escorts who work for services, escorts who work from home and have private clients. There are high-class hotel lobby prosties or "massage therapists" who turn into prosties with the right number of rolled up $100 bills slipped into their spa shorts.

Then, there are "dates" who accept clothes and dinner and don't necessarily have sex with their clients, but they can so they're still prosties in my book. Then you have those skanky prosties that troll bars and clubs looking for the lonely, the needy, and those who may throw money at them.

So with all this said, I need to know: What kind of prostie would you be?


Now I know they'll be some of you who'll say you'd never be a prostie. I know that. I'd never really do it either. I'm not in good enough shape. But that's not the point of this little thought game. I just want to know that in a fantasy world in your head, if you were a prostie, what kind would you be?

I, myself, have two options that I like the most: I would be either a high-class ($2,000 a night and up) fancy hotel bar prostie, like at the St. Regis, sidling up to businessmen on layovers from places like Minneapolis and Spokane saying things like "You don't have to go back to your room alone tonight..."

Or I'd go to some small town, get a little apartment, and I'd just be the town prostie. Everyone would know me, everyone would know what I do, the cops would leave me alone (as long as I provided them some of my services for free) and I'd be a part of the general landscape of small-town life.

People would come to town and say when they gave tours they'd say "That's the General Store, and that's the Beauty Shop, oh and that's just Junior. He's friends with all the truckers. He's their, um... stress reliever."

Now again, I'd NEVER DO THIS, but it's fun to think of the things that can kind of reveal different sides of your personality.

And you guys have such fabulous personalities that I'd be interested to know what kind of prostie you'd be? And don't say you wouldn't do it because I'm sure there has never been a child who said they wanted to be a prostie when they grew up, hopefully?

Or if you did, tell me that!

I'm all yours, for free even!

14 comments:

C. Paul Keller said...

OK, first off, I could never be a Lady Of The Evening unless I lost a bunch of weight and toned my abs, buns and thighs. Denise Austin, can you help a brother out? Also, I'd have to get rid of this ridiculous hang up I have about getting emotionally involved with the people I sleep with. It would really get in the way of business.

BUT! If I managed to put all that behind me and somehow started turning tricks, I'd be one of those entertainer-types. You know, just doing it to put some money aside until I get my big break or manage to snag a john who will fund my role in a Spectacular Spectacular. Basically, Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge! Only I'd rather not die of consuption in Ewan McGregor's arms, thankyouverymuch. Oh, I'd die "la petite mort" in his arms, but no coughing blood.

C. Paul Keller said...

Oh! I almost forgot. I didn't want to be a prostie as a child, because I was raised in the church and lord knows church kids never grow up to turn tricks... ahem, moving on.

I remember reading in Dolly Parton's autobiography (don't laugh!) that when she was a little girl she loved the town hooker's make up and clothes and such and wanted to be just like her when she grew up. Which means childhood dreams can come true! Not quite the same as wanting to be an actual sex trade worker when you grow up, but close.

Dani said...

I'd be a hooker with a heart of gold! K..seriously...I like men in uniform, so I'd be the one servicing our troops. Call me the Patriotic Prostitute. When the President calls use to serve our country...I will. :P

Sam said...

I would be Sydney Biddle Barrows, the oh-so-proper society dame who rakes in a fortune providing needed services for a very select clientele all while maintaining her place at the apex of society. Then Candace Bergen would play me in the movie, except it would be a major motion picture instead of Lifetime, and it would sweep the Oscars, giving Candace that long-denied statuette. I would attend the Oscars with Hugh Jackman as my date.

Allan S. said...

I would hope that I could manage to secure a position in a high-end escort service. My nights would be spent polishing the knobs of NYC's movers and shakers.

I would also like to incorporate my creative nature, by providing services that require role-playing activities. I'm confident in saying I would probably enjoy the scenes where I humiliate and physically punish my johns. Hey, why not?

Now, on the other end of the spectrum, I can also see myself on some stroll on the back streets of NYC's industrial/manufacturing sections. My charisma would draw in local NYU students doing a documentary on the life of a prostie. I of course would insist on being paid for my time, because, my no good common-law husband is at home waiting for me to make money, so that we can score some dope and spend the day in a drugged out haze.

By the way, and this is a true story. Several years ago I was involved in some very deep spiritual work to assist with my evolving. I had a very vivid and lucid experience where I saw myself in a past life. I was a prostie in colonial India. I look tored up and had a fine ass pimp that treated me like shit. A woman of a higher caste took pity on me, and helped me leave that life behind, by having me work for her in her palacial home. Hmmm, Jun, why do I feel like I've shared this with you before?

bunnilove said...

Hey Junior! I'm actually stumped...I'm a very open person and don't judge a person's profession, except if one's profession happens to be child murdering and molestation, I'm cool with someone having to do what they need to do.

I love sex, I really do. And being a prostitute means that I would have to DISCONNECT myself from the act to be able to view it as a business, 'cause I ain't just giving pussy away.

I can identify with what Allan said in that I too had a past life experience and found out that I was popular call girl in turn-of-the-century New York City, servicing men of all ethnic backgrounds, which explains why I'm down for just about anyone. But the bottom line is I would have a hard time with the job.

This comes from something that my grandmother, my Nana, said to me. She was born in 1917, but was surprisingly years ahead of her time. Her and I used to watch old movies together, and one night we were watching The Godfather, not that old, but you get the point. In one scene a man was about to make love to his new wife, and she takes off her top to reveal her breasts. When one sees any nudity, it has a way of making you pay very close attention. She noticed this, and patted me on the leg and said that it was "OK". She said that they were doing what people who loved and respected each other do, NOT because they were married, but simply because they had a mutual respect and admiration for each other. That stuck with me. In that scene, the couple felt very CONNECTED, and if there's one thing that I like about sex is feeling connected with the other person.

But if you're a prostie, carve out a niche for yourself and be the best one you can be!

westernnc said...

Well, kiddies, I am a prostie. Every morning I get up and go to work I sell a little bit of myself to "the man" for a little pay. His trick is to never pay me enough to let me dig myself out of this hole, thereby always having a nice warm hole to come back to. I've specialized in older men, but lately that has become wearisome - even with the little blue pill it takes longer and longer. And talk about embarrassing, trust me you don't want them talking in the waiting room like at the dentist or then they all want the same "favors" and to renegotiate the pricing structure! My advice: keep them separate. Tell everyone they are the "one and only" and that you are working your way through school. Never mind that you are in your late forties; tell them it is a doctorate program!

If I could have my fantasy, I would be Julia. My lord! Isn't that every good hookers dream? And since Richard is now officially in the "older" category, he would be right up my ally (come to think of it).

BUT, and this is important, KEEP a DI-RA-RY! You know. Just a little insurance policy. Make sure to include dates, time and services rendered. It should be good for a little "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte" or if you do get that college degree, then it might be the next New York Times best seller!!

Got to think ahead. A girl doesn't keep her looks forever, you know . . .

good-universe said...

Golly! Everyone's answers are so great. Hm, if I took to hookin', I'd definitely go the 'companion' route. Like the dude from Breakfast at Tiffany's, where his lady puts him up in some sweet ass digs and funds his writing projects. Although, I am straight girl, so it would have to be some devilishly handsome man. Now, I realize this is pretty rare and idyllic for the world of prostitution, but I really think I could make it happen. I am pretty ambitious ;) Although, if this didn't work out, I think I'd probably want to be some painfully innocent street walker type with a sassy, been-there done-that bestie. Basically Julia Roberts in PW. But also, a total cokehead, because .. why not? I'm already a prostitute, might as well indulge!

Wonder Man said...

I would have to work in a posh system. No Hunt's Point for me

Junior said...

HEY EVERYONE! I come back from a hard day and it's like Christmas morning! I'm loving all your suggestions, thanks for playing along!

HI PAUL! - I forgot the entertainer/Lady of the Evening, I do think that's a pretty good choice. But you must make sure that your tricks are discreet so that you can join the outside entertainment world without stigma!

HI DANI! - I see, you'd be waiting for the sailors to come in. I must admit, that that was an attractive option for me but I decided against it. Them military men have a lot of pent up aggression. I may not be ready.

HI SAM! - LOVING IT! Your house would be the nicest on the block, but no one would know why.

HI ALLAN! - I'm totally LOLing! You may have told me that story before but I'm always interested in hearing your stories! And if you were a prostie, I'm positive some film students would make you a star because even on the streets you have that quality! That's a good kind of prostie.

HI BUNNILOVE! - I love this post so much! It's bringing up all these interesting conversations. I think I kinda agree with you because whenever I think of prosties, my mind always edits out the sex! Like, if I actually did it, I'd do all the other stuff an then when the john actually wanted to have sex, I'd be all "Wait what?" Sex is important, but unfortunately people sell it all the time.

HI DALE! - LOLLOLOLOL! That was too much! "Working your way through school!" I like the older man idea too because despite Viagra, you can just switch it with his heart medication and he'll just fall asleep. You get the money and don't have to touch anything!

HI GOOD-UNIVERSE! - You guys are too funny! I think if I was a prostie, I'd be a cokehead too! I mean you're already on a slippery slope, just do more you can put in the biography!

HI WONDER MAN! - I know, I think the consensus is that we all want to be high class and no one wants to walk the street! C'mon someone has to get down and dirty!

Ermine said...

I worked on a friends ho-line when I was 18. I answered the phone when guys would call in for a date and explain the pricing and what was involved. In non sexual terms of course. Then I'd place the order. It was a strange week. I remember sitting in the living room and eating KFC with a few of the girls and the driver.
My prostie position would probably be a "specialist" meaning I'd be exceptional and well known for specific scenes.

Junior said...

Hi ermine! That is so fascinating, was it seriously like a ho-line (loving that term by the way) or like an "escort" service where everyone knew what went on behind closed doors?

I love your type of prostie to, everyone needs to find a niche!

Ermine said...

It was an "escort" service but we lovingly called it the ho-line. That double ring would ring and I'd have to spring in to action as the customer service rep. "Tips start at $50"
The owners were my friends who were a lesbian couple. There were 2 girls and one guy as entertainers. But I just stuck to answering the phone.

Junior said...

Ermine, that is too much! I would have loved to hear their stories about their "customers"!