(Sorry this is a day late everyone. Junior was typing and falling asleep at the same time yesterday and the sleep won, as it usually tends to do. Oh, and sorry I used the third-person. It won't happen again.)
Are you ready for more "Project Runway," everyone?
Good, because we've got two action-packed episodes that we have to recap, both of which really made me happy. We'll talk about why in a minute, but before we get to that I wanted to start the post with a little Jerell and Korto.
I was rereading the last "Runway" recap and realized that I didn't mention Korto once and barely talked about Jerell. I am so racist. That's why I wanted to take a minute at the very beginning of the post to mention Korto and Jerell.
Using interpretive collage...
How great are her facial expressions?!
Oh, I have a question about Jerell's thin t-shirts (above). What is the point of them? They don't cover anything. I just don't... you know what? Let's move on.
Wait, I also just found out that Suede's real name is Stephen Baum.
This is how you know he's crazy (besides the use of the third-person). "Stephen Baum" is a fantastic designer name! If I saw some clothes with "Stephen Baum" on the label, I'd prolly buy them. A tag with "Suede" on it, not so much.
And don't worry, I'm still working on getting the International Olympic Committee to recognize "interpretive collage" as a sport.
Wow, we've already done so much and the post hasn't even officially begun yet! It's crazy.
Okay, so last week's episode begins with everyone just standing around not caring about Terri or Blayne being gone, which is understandable, but talking about it like the producers said "Hey, could you heartless b!tches pretend like you ever cared about them." So the gang fakes it. Oh, another thing, sorry.
I just always wondered this. Why don't the designers ever turn off the lights when they leave the Atlas Apartments (below) to go to Parsons?
I mean, I know the camera people are still in the room but aren't we giving the illusion that the room's inhabitants are gone?
Plus, it isn't very eco-friendly.
Somewhere in the world, Al Gore sheds a single tear.
Okay, you may have noticed that I'm stalling the recap a little bit.
It's just that last week wasn't as action packed as this week. Last week was clearly one of those middle episodes every reality show has where the sole purpose of it is removing unnecessary dead weight before they get to the finale. That's OK, because the episode gave us this...
You can always count on the Heiditron (maybe not to host the Emmys that is).
So last week's challenge was to create a work-ready look for a young woman who just graduated college, a challenge that is otherwise known as "The Career Gals Challenge 2.0, the College Years." The twist was that the girls' mothers would have input.
It's a good thing the outfits weren't for the moms as most of the designers basically upchucked at the idea of having to dress old, fat ladies. You could see them all thinking...
Eww... we might have to design clothes for gasp, "real people!" NO! I can't make mom jeans!
Anyway, then we got to actually meet the moms and daughters and it still always makes me laugh when "Runway" trots out real people and says nothing about how these people ended up on the show. Not even a quick explanation like "they applied to have you give their daughters a make over."
I swear Andy Cohen has a pen of "real people" stashed away in the basement of the Bravo Headquarters. He keeps them in a trace-like state by showing them pictures of Jeff Lewis' lips. Anyway, let's meet the moms and daughters...
Caitlin & Ellen (above), who look exactly like a "Caitlin & Ellen."
Holly & Ellie (above).
And... wait a second!
No seriously, I'm pretty sure one of those mother/daughter teams was a dressed-down Harvey Firestein and Marissa Jaret Winokur from the Broadway version of "Hairspray" (above)! All I heard was a deep, scratchy voice come out of one of those moms and I said to myself... "Harvey, is that you in there?"
And then there were some others. Listen, we don't have time to introduce everyone, we have young ladies who are about to start careers and have it all!
Now it was clear from the outset that Jerell had the best girl (above)...
And that Leanne had the, how should we say, "most opinionated" mother...
And that's about it for this episode. I told you so.
In order to fill time, the producers decided to show us some old photos of the contestants and all I have to say about that is...
Oh and this...
So then the designers went to Mood (yawn) and Suede (below) proceeded to pick out the same hideous fabric that I know several people have already used during the course of the season...
Hid. E. Ous. Alright let's move on to some meat and potatoes here.
The next day, it was abundantly clear that Jerell's outfit was gonna be the BOMB and that Suede really had no idea what he was doing. That fabric was a tip-off.
His client was a photographer but instead of choosing the classic image of the female photographer (trench, men's button-down, slacks), he decides that he "doesn't do" pants and would rather make a dress. Um, riiiight...
Because it's so practical!
I took his insistence against pants to mean simply that he couldn't make pants to which I wanted there to be a "pants-off" (which is not as dirty as it sounds) to see if he could even make them in the first place. I seriously wondered if he could; has he ever?
A designer that can't make pants deserves automatic dismissal in my opinion. I actually would like to talk about this more, it's just that Jerell and Kenley are openly making fun of Joe's awful "Working Girl" outfit, complete with her very own pocket square because girls LOVE pocket squares!
I know I've said this before, but now I mean it. This moment was like a piece of heave descended from the sky. I like Jerell's style too. Just go straight up to someone, expose their ridiculousness, and laugh directly in their faces.
Okay, so then later some girl from TRESemmé who no one knows showed up and says that the looks are going to be in Elle Magazine. That's nice dear. Move, you're taking up Tim time. So Mr. Gunn stops by and takes one look at Suede's outfit (below)...
And makes this face (below)...
I love you Tim Gunn.
Meanwhile, Joe (below) goes to call his kids...
Of course, Joe does that thing that selfish parents I can't stand always do which is say that they're on the show as an example to their kids so they understand that they can do whatever they want to do in life. How selfless of you...
I know I sound a little like a b!tch right now, but Wendy Pepper did this in season one and it always bugs me when parents use their children this way.
It's like you would have been there even if you didn't have kids because you want to be a famous fashion designer. Just because you happen to have children doesn't make your striving to be a renowned fashion designer any better than anyone else's drive to reach the same place.
It's actually a little worse because you, unlike the childless, left your kids to be on television.
Plus, it bugs me to think that you can behave however you want but when you have a child, you want to be a better person for them. Um, babies aren't free passes. Anyone guess I'm not talking about Joe anymore?
Moving on rapido!
(p.s. for an example of talking about your children that I like, see Korto's daughter below)
So because the producers literally nothing else to show during this episode, they did exactly what I would have done in that situation...
UNLEASH THE KENLEY!
That girl basically stood in one place and sh!t talked Suede so bad I was surprised he didn't burst into flame. It was a nice diversion before we got to the most rapid-fire series of make-up and hair shots I've ever seen on the show.
Did anyone make out what was happening during that segment?
Let's get to the clothes. WAIT! First, how many people could just feel the discomfort oozing from Niiiina Garciiiia's (below) pores (pores, what pores?) at the thought of having to spend time in a room with... gulp, real people.
Okay, what clothes did I love?
Isn't it obvious? I've been waiting to show it, I freakin' love it so much!
I loved it. It deserved the win. It was sleek, stylish, smart, and any other adjectives that start with 'S' that I know. It looked like if I saw that in a store, it would be hella expensive. I need to start making my own clothes. Moving on.
I also really liked Korto's outfit (above) as well as Kenley's outfit, but not as much as Jerell's, of course. As for what I didn't like... isn't that obvises too?
I mean Suede's outfit was bad but it wasn't as bad as...
Joe's outfit (below)!
Like, what girl in her right mind would pick this out to wear at any time ever?
It literally looked like something Romy and Michele (right) would wear to show people that they were serious business women.
And of course the judges brought up the dreaded pocket square because it's pretty ridiculous and not in a good way.
It'd be different if it was stylish but it was goofy.
And Kenley and her Mini-Me client (below) did the thing that Kenley does when she wants to cut people down to size...
And that's the perfect way to announce that Joe got kicked off (FINALLY!) and all I have to say about that is...
Alright, before we move on, there's more behind the scenes drama about the show that must be reported (this show continues to set the bar for off-camera action)!
The latest is that a New York Circuit Court judge has barred Lifetime 'Television with Vaseline on the Lens' from airing the next season of "Runway" (which is currently being filmed!) due to all the crazy maneuvering The Weinstein Co. did to get it off Bravo and on Lifetime in the first place.
I, for one, am pleased by this news because maybe it means someone will start actually doing the right thing by the show and not just trading it around like some valuable baseball card. I would obviously like it to stay on Bravo but this may give us some buffer time if it does go to Lifetime.
Alright, let's just jump straight in to this week's episode.
Okay, similar to last week, this week began with no one really caring about the fact that Joe's gone, which again is understandable. Instead, the designers packed up and headed to the runway where they were confronted by...
Whosit, whatsit... who are these underfed, gangly girls before us (below)?
Wait, this show has models? Really? Wow.
So the only thing noteworthy about this part of the show was that Leanne got rid of her model (who you may remember totally turned on her during the eco-friendly challenge) and stole Suede's Tia, which was oddly prophetic.
Then the designers go back to the workroom and Tim proceeds to explain the challenge. He should have said "Each of you will be designing an outfit based on a musical genre for another designer." Simple, to the point.
Instead, Tim (above) starts taking out buttons and talking about...
"If there are five of you, you'll each be wearing a look as well as designing a look, and each of you will have a look to wear and your look is..." and I swear, I started to feel like I needed to watch an episode of Square One to figure it out (and I happen to have a clip below)...
I miss this show. Moving on to the tenth power.
So naturally the designers are not pleased with having to model or design for each other and it leads Korto (below) to make another fantastic face...
And then she gets the "Country" music genre and she practically plops down on a chair and starts smoking a cigarette, she so frustrated...
Then, Kenley starts complaining about how she doesn't want to do "Pop" music for her look because it's bad and all the while I'm screaming at the TV, "You already dress like a 1940s pop star! This shouldn't be that hard!"
But little did I know what her designer, Jerell, had in store for her.
Meanwhile, the most surreal moment of the episode happened because Kenley had to design a "Hip Hop" outfit for Leanne and the two of them got together to talk about the design.
This conversation of course devolves into which designer, Kenley or Leanne, is more street, which is hilarious.
It was also around this moment that everyone related to hip hop, ever produced a hip hop song, written one, was involved in the engineering, basically anyone ever involved in the hip hop world in any way, all threw up a little in their mouths simultaneously. And of course my cell phone camera failed to capture this meeting of the minds but we did get to hear Kenley (below) demonstratively repeat that...
What was that honey? I was too busy laughing so hard I was crying...
Later on, after Korto called her eventual look "Shania Jank" (she's on a roll lately), Kenley continued to go on making her hip hop outfit and Korto and Jerell proceed to stare at her like she's a crazy person...
At least Korto never tried to pretend that she knew anything about country music, Miss Kenley. Maybe we might try humility next time...
Okay, so the next day before Korto (below) started feelin' the country...
And before we discovered Suede is a classically-trained cellist (doesn't "Stephen Baum" the classically-trained cellist sound so good on paper... then you meet him...), Jerell had Kenley try on his "Pop" masterpiece, behind that practically see-through screen.
Introducing Kenley Spears.
She also got in another great line of the night when she said of Jerell's outfit, "He's gonna make me look like sex." I so want that phrase on a t-shirt.
Alright, we've now come to that point in the episode when I thought someone was going to die. It was a confrontation more fierce than the Rumble in the Jungle (left) and I was honestly scared.
Kenley vs. Tim Gunn.
When I say I was scared, what I mean is that I was scared for Kenley's life because Tim Gunn is not one to mess around with! When Tim came around and said that he wasn't sure Kenley was going in the right direction with her hip hop look for Leanne, Kenley then shot back that she wasn't going to make Leanne "look like a fool."
Tim proceeds to explain that that's not what he was suggesting and Kenley (being Kenley) cuts him off... That's when Tim cuts Kenley down to size so perfectly by asking her to cut the "facetiousness" and listen to what he has to say (haha, Kenley, "listen"?! NEVER!).
That's when we got the "Staredown on Seventh Avenue"...
This is what made an already good episode even better.
Oh and Leanne's line, "You're touching my crotch, Kenley" when she was perfecting her hip hop outfit was also an unexpected treat. Anywho, so the designers go off to finish their looks which includes incredible hair on Kenley (below)...
And Leanne (below) beginning to work her inner Mary J....
That's when the runway show started and we the audience were treated to a little surprise that wasn't really a surprise but work with me here...
J (above in all his glory)!
I've been so hung up on my boyfriend Keith, that I've been completely ignoring my husband James! Anyway, he was there to judge/promote his CD/give the gays something to stare at while we finished the episode.
Actually, let's finish this recap as it's getting long and I need to go search for more shirtless LL pics online... So I actually didn't like too much of anything they made on this episode. To be honest, I did like Kenley's outfit (below)...
I agree with LL (of course) that it wasn't really hip hop, but it was in the same building if not on the same floor. Plus, that leather jacket is kinda fierce.
I didn't really like Jerell's pop outfit (below)...
It was definitely contempo pop, but I just didn't like it.
Nor did I find Korto's outfit for Suede very appealing (the dyed jeans looked a little too "moo cow" for me), but they gave her the win. I'm fine with that.
And they sent Suede home for making Jerell's boring look.
And for the first time ever, I felt sorry for Suede because...
Alright, I'm sorry for the delay everybody! Next time, I'll be sure to get enough sleep so I can effectively finish the recap by Friday like you guys like. Feel free to blame "Grey's Anatomy"! Remember, next time, we're starting THE FINALE!
SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS!
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